90% of the Birthing Story....

Confession: "Labor is not that bad”... but the epidural was a BIOTCH.

Yeah i can hear all you mamas who have gone through it cursing me out right now! But careful, because the catch is that my pregnancy was hell, so if yours wasnt then shut yo mouth :) Ok, onto the confession (shout out to christy, my only reader, for the confession idea). I wont go through the entire story, A. its too long and B. its too much work...lol BUT i will explain my confession. When my water "broke" (it really tore, and they had to later on fully break it) my contractions started within a half hour and steadily increased in frequency and duration and intensity until colty was born.

SIDEBAR:
I am lactose intolerant. Yeah i know, bear with me this DOES have a lot to do with the confession. I am lactose intolerant. And for years, anytime i would have milk, i would get this intense stabbing pain and then the "gurggles" that would "roll across the plains" (ie. start from one side of my stomach and go all the way across to the other side) and this would last (TMI coming) until it all "left my body"...if you know what i mean. So imagine years of summers, PMS weeks, parties, etc. of enjoying ice cream and then pretty much having these pains and crampings the rest of the night.Ok back to the labor story.

So these contractions started and they felt like PMS cramps. Okay not bad, i can handle it. 1cm....2cm...3cm okay when will these contractions get bad? 4cm...5cm..6cm...ok now they feel like my lactose cramps, still not "painful", i mean they were (don't kill me) annoying, but not really painful yet. At about 7cm, they were starting to get uncomfortable and so I hopped (okay waddled and cautiously climbed) into the jacuzzi tub, and that definitely held me over for about an hour or so, at which point the contractions were getting painful and I knew i wanted an epidural for pushing, which was coming soon. So i headed back to the room and when they checked me I was 8cm. The nurses all were saying i was doing great, wow 8cm and no pain meds, no epidural. I remember Christy calling, early on, and her not believing when i said they were not bad but that they felt like i had ice cream.So we then got the ball moving on getting an epidural. In hindsight, i question whether i would do it again and here is why....

So the anesthesialogist comes in, totally looking like Duff from Ace of Cakes, and all happy and chatty. Okay, good sign, right? hmm no. He clears everyone out of the room but one person (i had to choose between Alfie or Mom, and I chose alfie, although i think he probably wishes I had chosen mom). Duff preps his needles (which i thankfully did not see) and tells me to sit on the edge of the bed and hug my pillow to round my back, and HOLD VERY STILL. I asked them to hold a second as i was having a contraction and then once it finished he said he was going to inject the numbing stuff (lets call it novacaine). I grabbed alfies hand and held on. Anyone who has had a cavity knows when they inject novicaine they do it in 3 depth levels. They inject, then go a bit deeper then the final depth to make sure you are all numbed up. Such is the same with this novacaine. So he sticks me right in the back and youchie it hurts. They he says ok, i am going in with the epidural, you shouldnt feel anything but let me know if you do. HOT DANG YES MOTHER EFFER I FEEL IT. i didnt say that i more said "OUCHHHHHHHHH, I CAN FEEL IT ON MY LEFT SIDE" if felt like someone had literally stabbed my nerve in my back (slight wimpering by now). Ok, so then Duff goes in with more novacaine (mind you i have now been poked 3 times), and again with the epidural(poke #4), OWWWWWWWW I CAN FEEL IT (enter sobbing tears, mom swears she heard me call for her and I feel like i actually did call for her...they could hear me all the way in the hall), and he goes back again with the novacaine (poke #5, by now i am sobbing, while trying not to move) and then he goes in (poke#6 with the epidural) no pain. He finished me up as im sitting there crying and alfie is looking like a deer in headlights. My legs went numb shortly after and i mean NUMB. some people who have the epidurals can still slightly feel and move. NOPE. not me. Remember, how i could feel the epidural poke on my left side, well my left leg was dead weight because they had to keep trying.Which resulted in me not being able to feel my contractions enough to push at 10cms or even to feel the urge to push. (this eventually led to my need for a csection)

After that things moved fairly quickly. I was able to fall asleep for an hour or so, as I kept progressing to 10cm. When i got there and couldnt feel my contractions, they had me wait in hopes that i would feel something enough to push (no such luck) during that waiting period my body created a "lip" which essentially made me more like 9cm instead of 10. They had me try pushing in hopes that the "lip" would revert and go back to 10cm. No such luck. That was when they noticed Colton getting tired. They waited about 30 minutes more and said a C section is my next option. Ok.Lets do it. From there things moved at lightning speed. They wheeled my bed out of the room and into the hall towards the surgical area. had me take some meds and throw on a hairnet. Transfered me to the surgical bed and upped my epidural ( i was very fearful they would have to takeout my epidural and do a spinal, but thankfully no!!) They strap my arms to the bed out away from my body. I remember being so freaking cold. Like freezing. My teeth were chattering and my body felt like it was shaking from being so cold. They brought Alfie in and said i might feel some pressure when they began the procedure. I was terrified i would feel them cutting, but i didnt. Next thing i know i hear crying. and see them taking colton from behind the sheet onto the warming bed to clean him up. i did shed a slight tear and loved the sound of his petite crying. You dont realize how worried you are that he wont come out crying until you realize how relieved you are that you hear it. They cleaned him up and alfie snapped some pictures and they finally brought him over to lay on my chest. Then they wheeled us to recovery and blah blah blah blah... you know the rest.

It only took 5 months to write...lol

Happy friday :)