I probably shouldnt admit this, but....

Confession: I love me a good guilty pleasure…

Who doesn’t, right?! You know, those things you enjoy that sort of make you cringe when you are forced to admit how much you actually enjoy them. Yep, those! I have a LOT of them. But here we go enjoy these guilty pleasures…

*Reality Shows – Real housewives, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Guiliana and Bill, Millionaire Matchmaker, Don’t be Tardy, Married to Jonas, Duck Dynasty (this one is actually really wholesome)… the list could keep going. Nothing keeps my attention longer and better than a hot mess of reality show goodness. And while most people can’t be bothered with watching that kind of “trashy” tv as they call it, I am drawn to it, like a crazed moth to a flame! It’s sad, I know, but that’s just some good tv, Jack!! It doesn’t even have to be one of my “regular” shows for me to watch. I’ll pop on the tv and “well hello there Shahs of Sunset” or “Good afternoon, It’s a Brad Brad world! I’ll pop my feet up and have a watch!” I really can’t help myself and much prefer shows like that to sitcoms, which are what Alfie prefers. And it’s kind of sad, because if there isn’t a reality show repeat on, I’m kind of like “mehh, whats the point?” I’d rather just not watch tv than watch something else. I’ll even sit through an episode I’ve seen before, or multiple times, just to watch the show. *cringe* Yeah, It’s bad. I know.

*Dancing – It could be a wedding, a club, in my car, in my room, at church, anywhere. I hear a good song with a great beat and I really can’t help bobbing my head and swaying to the beat, just itching to let loose and dance. It’s funny cause my niece Madelyn is the same way. You put on a good tune (aka “Turkey in the Straw”) and girl just can’t help it. You can see it! Her little legs start bouncing, her arms swing and she dances! Girl after my own heart! It’s very rare that a good song will come on and I will not “react” to it. I may not go full blown hardcore in public, but you can bet in my head, I am jamming! Dancing like no one is around, and pretending I’m not an adult who needs to act her age. (If you’d like to test this theory, I suggest throwing on the following songs when im around: Take on Me; Living on a Prayer; or Don’t Stop Believing. Just don’t do an MJ song… I have a strict “no dancing” policy for Michael. It’s a respect thing…boo ya!)

*Gumballs – My dentist can probably attest that I love these with all the bills he has sent my way for all the work he has had to do. But I can (and will) eat my way through an entire bag of gumballs or bubble gum within a day or 2. How you may ask?, Well, I literally grab the bag of gum, and a napkin, paper towel or tissue and pop 1-3 pieces in, chew until the flavor/sugar/juiciness is gone, discard the gum into my napkin and then start over again. It’s kinda like someone with chewing tobacco and a “spitcup” (which I have been known to use a Styrofoam cup instead of a napkin, paper towel or tissue and actually spit the gum into it…yeah…groady). It’s bad, and pretty weird, but I can’t help it! The bag of gum will call to me until I have successful eaten the entire thing. Alfie thinks it’s pretty gross actually and is not a fan when I do it.

*80’s music – I am a sucker for a good 80’s tune. I’m pretty sure I was born many years too late. I didn’t get to enjoy those delightful songs of the decade: “Take on Me”, “Dying in your arms tonight”, anything by Journey, Chicago, Wham, and even the Dirty Dancing sound track, are fantastic. The electronic sound, mixed with the sappy lyrics and snappy beat, are just a win-win-win in my book! During the many hours painting the nursery for Lucy, you can bet that my Pandora station of choice was *gasp* 80’s hits. I don’t know why, but that decade of music was great, and classic and with potential to live on forever. I just can’t help break out into song and dance when a good 80’s tune hits! Mmmm love it!

*Dabble in Hair and Makeup - There are many times I think I may have missed my calling. I love all things hair and makeup related and if I could take classes here and there on doing makeup and styling or cutting hair, I would. For some reason, I just enjoy trying new looks out or getting asked to do hair for someone’s special event. And I by no means am fantastic, but I certainly enjoy it. And you can bet, that when my babies are in school, this mama might be headed back for some additional schooling of her own J

*Movies/Shows that make me ugly cry – I am a crier. I think it’s because I can empathize with things, and so often, with books and or movies, if something touches me, I will cry. And man, sometimes, it is a gut wrenching, full blown, sob fest! Perfect example: Last night I watched the second to last episode of “The Office”. I wept. Alfie laughed (at me). It could be the hormones, or the fact that we all (except her) knew Pam was MORE than enough for Jim, either way it could have easily turned into quite the “ugly cry” moment...If it wasn’t for Alfie laughing at me.  Rudy is probably the most consistent culprit of making me ugly cry, at 2 different parts too: when he gets into Notre Dame (yeah Spoiler alert) and when they carry him off the field….every.time. and yet I will watch that movie any and every time it is on tv! And oddly I don’t mind! I feel better after a good ugly cry and can wipe the tears and go on with my day…fulfilled.

So there you have it! Some of my guilty pleasures. What are yours??  

Hey lets give a little TMI....

Confession: My belly finds out info I didnt need to know.

I went to target the other night and as I was cashing out, the cashier was chatting up my belly. I like to say that a pregnant belly is an instant conversation starter and friendship maker. It got intimate and a bit TMI fast… Anyways, the convo went like this….

Cashier: How much longer? *smile, nod towards belly*

Me: 5 weeks

C: Oh wow, you have a bit still

M: *smile/grimace* yeah

C: Do you know what you are having?

M: a girl

C: Aww that’s great! Are you excited?! Is this your first

M: Yeah its nice. No, we have a little boy. He is 2 ½

C: Oooo one of each!

M: Yep, one of each and now we are done.

C: Oh you never know! I said that to my husband and we now have 4 kids. 2 of which I got pregnant with while on Birth control. *TMI*

Me: *starting to get awkward* Oh, no. We are for sure done. It’s a csection. So I’ll uhh have them take care of things while they are in there.

Cashier: Oh I keep trying to get my husband to go in for the surgery! I hate being on Mirena (NAME OF HER BC!!!)

M: *continued awkwardness but she was nice and put all my bags in my cart for me* Ohhh ok. Thank you, I appreciate that! *nodding towards the filled cart*

C: No problem! Good luck and have a nice night.

M: thanks, you too.

Now we are officially BFFs.

My Pregnancy Blessings...for Lauren

Dear Future Pregnant Lor,

Per your request, I thought I would counter my prior post, with a more positive post about pregnancy and address it to you, dear friend, for when you are pregnant. So that you may read this and smile at the joys of what’s to come J

Since you are stunning now, I can only imagine, how gorgeous you are going to be and feel with the recommended 30lb (minimum) weight gain. You’ll have that natural glow about you and that blossoming belly will just be begging to be lovingly touched by all the well-meaning passerby’s. But how wonderful it will be, as that belly will work as an instant conversation starter! You will be inundated with “when are you due?”, “do you know the sex?”, “How much longer?” A gentle reminder that you have many days left on this beautiful journey to enjoy! It also aids in making friends wherever you go. It’s such a blessing! It will be these same new friends, at the office, at a party, out and about, that will remind you that you get to eat for two, so to be sure and pile that food onto your plate or grab an additional helping. The baby needs it. And lucky for you, you won’t have to worry about a tightening waist line as you will get to wear stretch pants!!! I am so thankful for comfortable stretch pants. I am especially thankful for trends that promote the wearing of stretch pants without the need to wear something that covers your lady parts. In pregnancy you can wear leggings as PANTS and nobody says anything. It really is awesome.

You will also be invited to partake in any and every “free” food event at work. It’s fantastic. Free donuts? Don’t forget to offer a few to Lauren. Free subs? Make sure Lauren gets a few pieces. Someone ordered pizza? Take a slice or two up to Lauren, she’d love that! Oh and don’t forget about those cravings you get to indulge in! No one bats an eyelash when you polish off a full box of cereal alone, smile and say “the baby was hungry” with a chuckle. People instantly nod along with you and tell you its okay, baby needs to eat.

And let’s not forget the blessings of naming your child. Joyously flipping through lists among lists of names and being sure to weed out anything that might remind you or your spouse of a less than godly individual or a saddle your child with a name that doesn’t promote bible prosperity and a positive future. Such prayers of thanksgiving are said when you land upon that name, because everyone will love it and everyone will have such positive and non-opinionated or passive ideals about the creative name, middle name and nicknames you have chosen for your newborn.

And most importantly let’s not forget how amazing you will feel!! Knowing that within your being, you are responsible for the health and wellness of this tiny life. You’ll work out, and eat well, and be appreciative of every kick and nudge, wiggle and roll of that active babe in your womb. Even at 3am in the morning, and especially when it reminds you to awaken and empty your bladder! (It’s a great thing they remind us, so that we avoid the embarrassment of wetting the bed!)

And finally, because you are so stunning and you married a good looking gent, you will have rockin’ model children. With lots of your dark hair (so all that heartburn will be so worth it!) and your fantastic green eyes. And because of all these wonderful pregnancy blessings and benefits and how amazingly pretty your children will be, you will have not 1 but 2, 3 maybe 4 babies, that you will puuuuush through your lady parts. But have no fear, the doctor will treat you well and leave “Ryans playground” stitched up well and not like a demolition crew came through.

I pray that you never forget these wonderful blessings!

Your BFF,

-Kim

#soblessed #sothankful #thisistotallytongueincheek #sarcastic #cantwaittilyouareexpecting

A note to myself...from myself...

Dear NonPregnant Kimi,

One day, you are going to get the “itch”. You are going to look around and see pregnant woman and little babies in abundance, and you are going to want to be them and have another one. So this is my reminder to you, to be content with your 2. Because as I will easily point out, you are NOT a pleasant pregnant person…

There are some things you can endure, gracefully, but pregnancy is not one of them. You constantly find you need to keep yourself in check, often, to keep from being a massive Debbie downer. Considering what a blessing pregnancy is and the struggle many people have to either conceive or carry a baby, you should probably keep your mouth shut far more often. Right? Well in the effort to be honest and keep things real (Live without pretending, right??) you won’t and you dont. Why? Well because pregnancy for some (like you) is really hard, really uncomfortable and really a difficult 9 month journey. One in which you know that you don’t handle well. And if you keep your yap shut, not only will you end up feeling alone in your frustrations (thus alienating yourself and assisting in a fast downward spiral to depression), but it was always your hope there might be another pregnant soul out there who can relate and remind you that “this too shall pass”. While you are one who LOVES the end result (what’s not to love about a cute cuddly bundle of you and Alfie goodness??), you really really struggle with the journey to get there. Like really REALLY struggle. For you, it’s a means to an end. It’s not a journey you particularly love. And I know you feel bad saying that, but if we are honest with yourself and others, you do not enjoy being pregnant.

You have found that the realities of the first pregnancy are far more clear and present than they were before. It’s not all hearts and bunnies the second time around. With the first you were in the land of puppy dogs and flowers, hearts and bunnies. Everything was dreamy. When tired, you rested. Lazily, you lounged and pampered yourself whenever, wherever while your doting hubby fed you grapes straight from the vine and fanneds you with a palm branch after having massaged your feet. Wait a minute! Who are we kidding?? That’s sooo not how things went down!…bummer, I know. But anyways, with the first you blissfully lived in the world of ignorance of what’s to come: 3^rd trimester discomfort, labor, recovery, sleepless nights etc. Not so much with child numero dos. While the joy and excitement is 100% there, the reality of what’s to come is right behind it. That ignorant bliss you had with Colton, is nowhere to be seen and that eye opening reality of “Dear Lord, I have how many months left??…help!!” has become a constant prayer.

However, in the midst of all that discomfort, you have found that laughing about the hotmess you have become is a great way to ease that unpleasant persona. Because as we all either know, or end up finding out is that pregnancy is a bundle of unglamourous months! And anyone who may try to tell you differently is sugar coating it and LY-ING to you! So instead of being miserable 99.9% of the time, you tryyyyy to find the humor in your discomfort. It’s those humourous moments that make you chuckle (clearly in hindsight) and think, “there are VERY few men in this world who could survive this” and that makes you smirk and eases the discomfort a smidge. Just as a reminder, Kimi, let’s see what makes it so unglamorous. Wheeeeellll, let me remind you! First, you seem to be one of the “blessed” ones as you get morning all the time sickness. Puking that could be spurred by the mere scent of your husbands cologne that you picked for him because, well, back in the day, it smelled amazing. Then ofcourse there is the insane hunger that over takes your body. You go from “sure, I could nibble” to “GET ME A MOTHER EFFING *insert food of choice*” in seconds, only to then fall asleep from the food binge, to then waking up from the heartburn (because silly you, thought you could lay down after eating with no problems….false…so.very.false.) Since you are already awake from the heartburn, you might as well get up to pee, thus starting the dreaded cycle of pee interruptions to your day, or evening or perfectly good night’s sleep. Or how about the precious feeling of your little one jamming their legs into your bladder, ribs, lungs, anything? Which then keeps you from resting comfortably. How about the feeling that your pelvis is just sloooowly separating. Maybe it’s the innocent sneeze or cough that makes you pee yourself. Or the sensitive nipples that make a cold breeze feel like someone is holding a match to them and attempting to burn them off your body! The headaches, the swelling, the list of random unglamorous pregnancy symptoms goes on. And while you will have kind and oh so loving friends and family encourage you with “you have that pregnancy glow” or “You look fantastic!” or “You are all belly!” deep down you know that instance when you have gone from not bad to hot mess. Shall we recall stroller shopping for Colton? Sneezing only to then pee yourself right there in the store. *sigh* to the point where you had to purchase an entire new bottom half to your outfit for the day. You haven’t lived until you have peed yourself in public, don’t you forget that!

So, Kimi, this note is purely to document these feelings, because one day, all these awful memories will fade, and Colty and Lucy will be bigger and you will longingly look at newborns and think “I want another, I’m ready, it’s time.” and you will desperately need these words from pregnant Kimi to nonpregnant Kimi to remind you that there is NO WAY, on this green earth you can go through it again!! So future Kimi, when that time comes, reread this post (as many times as needed), smile that you made it through 2 pregnancies, kiss your adorable grown babies and thank the good Lord that you are done!!! J

Love,

Pregnant Kimi

I'd like to introduce you to my girls....

Confession: My boobs are out of control.

Sorry, was that too much? Oh well. Ya know that age where your filter starts to go out the window and you are all like, “TMI? Who cares! We’re all friends here, right?” Yeah I think I am there. So anyways. I have never been a small chested gal, and when pregnant, these things become ginormous 2 pound milkers. 9 times out of 10, I get dressed in my morning fog, only to make it to work and think “Oh boy, that’s a tad too much boob for the office” but at that point what’s a girl to do, other than not cross her arms so as to not enhance the bazingas. I know this girl who when pregnant, may or may not have used a food scale to weigh her gigante ladies.  She may or may not have been me. Crazy right!? Yeah yeah yeah I hear the “Whaaaaaa…quit your crying” since I know many a flatties who pray for the Boob gods to amply bless them during pregnancy. But ohhhh ladies just you wait. When those heavens part and them Tata angels touch you, you may find yourself far from joining in the Hallelujah chorus! Especially when you realize dem melons can trump eye contact and can cause distracted conversation focus! And yowza that’s just the boobs. I wont even discuss the national geographic nippage that occurs, I mean really folks its like a set of gumballs, gumdrops, your favorite hard candy, whatever. It’s ridiculous! And God forbid you encounter a cool breeze or a boob slap from a sibling (yeah thanks Christy) the sensitivity is something so unexpected! There are certain times in pregnancy that I just have to chuckle and sigh as I think "well we have reached a new low here" and last week was one of those such times… I was eating lunch, some arroz con gandules (Rice with pigeon peas) and was holding the container at my belly and spooning (who am I kidding, we all know I was shoveling it into my mouth like a heffer) portions into my mouth only to feel a grain fall into ma cleave. So I fished it out, only to then find another and another. 3 grains of rice were resting on the little shelf area between my boobs and my belly down my shirt. So there I am, at my desk, digging down my shirt for those three stupid grains of rice! Oye! Luckily I had the decency to toss them rather than eat them, cause that would be gross…right? For sure! Right, totally gross… *sigh* Welp, no one said pregnancy was glamorous, that’s for sure! And so with 10 more weeks to go, lets see just how much more mammoth these beasts can get!!

Adults and Social Media…

Confession: Adults who don't know social media but use it, drive me crazzzzy!

Sigh... wow tough topic, right. Because when I think of this I instantly think “old people and facebook” and then from there you KNOW my thoughts go to all the things they do WRONG to abuse this privileged. My personal favorite being when they sign their name on a wall post. HELLO when you post on the wall the picture AND YOUR NAME are on the post. You don’t need to put a “love, Kimi” at the end, cause HELLO I know who is posting it! Oh and hey, I even have a handy picture of you just in case. Lets talk about that too. (Although you get those random people who have landscape pictures or celebrity/cartoon/crazy pictures and not something that can identify them like a family member, or pet or HEY here’s an idea, A PIC OF YOURSELF). Facebook is also not your chance to redeem yourself with sexified pictures of yourself or as I like to refer to them as “Glamor Shots” (haha remember that place in the mall?) Nothing worse than an adult who should know better, in seductive poses or crazy “took my picture in the mirror with my cell phone” Yeahhh lets leave that to the under 25 crowd. Ooo and how about the “I post EVERYTHING” adults?? “Status: Buffy and Binky just crapped on my face…lol hilarious, gotta love ‘em!” that’s too much folks, far far too much, keep it to yourself. Or the “Lets air my family’s dirty laundry” (and call it a prayer request…hey-o, I went there,) how about popping that info into a message or better yet send it to a prayer chain. Ahhh and what about the “I comment on EVERYTHING”. Really? Sometimes its ok to let a status or photo go up without popping a comment (or 10) on it. It’s ok to chuckle to yourself and move on. If all I see when I scroll my newsfeed is items from 1 person, that’s too much. OH and anything more than a few follow up comments on a status is too much. Do we have to have 2 people engage in a full on conversation via commenting?? Can you take it off line or to messaging or hey how about you pick up the phone and CALL EACHOTHER! Lol (my pet peeve is being a first to comment and then having a bazillion people comment after and getting updates on all those comments. Yes I admit, sometimes I will actually NOT comment just because I don’t want to deal with that- baby announcements are the worst for that!!). Oh and no thanks, I don’t want to play Farkle, buy a goat for your farm, a couch for your apartment, a sword for your knight or whatever new game or life simulation you are playing. I am ok using FB solely for stalking (as it should be used).

Maybe the answer to these clear generational gaps, is for there to be a facebook by generations. That way we can avoid the skanky generation and their booza-palooza bar pics and hangover shots (ohh how i miss thee...lol), the marrieds and “im having a baby” generation can status to their heart content about their awesome wedding or adorable babies (yeah that’s totally where I now fall…lol) and then the adults old people can do whatever they want and be non-internet savy together. Ahh that would be the dream, right??

True Story: The Boob Pillow...

**Based on ACTUAL events. Names have been changed to keep people anonymous**

So a few years ago a group of my friends go together for a Christmas gathering. We had previously decided to exchanged White Elephant gifts. Awesome. Everyone did a great job bringing silly items. But the most hilarious gift was an anatomically correct bright pink pillow in the shape of Tata's. Yeah that's right! I think we guessed them to be a D or a DD. The best part was they were originally opened by Bark and Mecky who sooo DID NOT want them but got stuck with them in the end via the luck of the White Elephant process! lol And thus began the game of dropping them off at each other's home. Bark and Mecky stealthily kept the pillow hidden until they could sneak it into someone else's home and leave it to be discovered at another date by another couple. Such as a Murder Mystery party at Meve and Stegan's (they sound Swedish, ya!). Well Meve and Stegan found the Billow (haha boob pillow, that was Alfie's phrase, not mine) that had been hidden in their bedroom and then proceeded to share the billow wealth and dropped it off at Rosh and Jobin's (haha Jewish??orrr Jamaican, mon' ??) and Rosh and Jobin made sure to bring it to our house, where it sat on the floor in our room waiting to be taken to Cave and Dassie's (haha Southern friends ??? lol). And this is where it gets interesting....

Alfie and I lived next door to his sister and brother in law for a few years at 290. It was great getting to see our niece and nephews, especially in the summer when they would be out playing when we would get home from work. On this particular day Cristen and the kids stopped over (i think i was home due to morning *all the time* sickness).

Side note: Alfie and I leave stuff around. no surprise here. Especially in our room. Neither of us are masters at picking up. But we also don't have anything dir-tay that NEEDS to be tucked away, however we are good about keeping things that should be private, private. Moving on...

So of course we didn't care that the kids would go into any room as they would search for our cat Nelly. We were used to this, and often Nelly would hide under our bed. No biggie. It was not shocking that as Cristen and i stood chatting in the family room, the kids had made their way into our bedroom. Although this time they came out with THE PILLOW. OH.DEAR.LORD. I.HAVE.CORRUPTED.THE.KIDS!! THEY HAVE THE PILLOW! (which had been on the floor by the dresser waiting to be taken to Cave and Dassie's).

"What is this?" was pretty much the first thing out of their mouth. I could not believe this was happening...NO NO NO! Luckily Cristen jumped in with a "Hmm what do you think it is?" (brilliant! test out what they know and see how much damage control we need to run...perfect!! What a mom!!). Micah jumps in with a "I think they look like eyes" and proceeded to hold them up like eyes. (Okay, i can see that... one down, one to go before we are in the clear). And then Jonah pipes in with "I think they look like these" and to my horror held them to where the large D-Cup mamba jambas would naturally be. DANG IT! Right on the money! Smart lil guy! Luckily their wise mama jumped in with a "Maybe Aunt Kimi uses them to practice for the baby?".....so clever, so clever. She then proceed to usher the boys out of the house and encourage them to play outside. THANK YOU JESUS! BUTTTT not before snapping a picture and sending it to Alfie with the caption "Uncle Alfie, what are these??" haha At which point he called saying "uhhh are you at home?!?!?" haha fearful that the kids had been at our house without me. You can bet that I made sure Cristen knew the back story of how we got the pillow as a white elephant gift and that it was not some freaky sex toy her children were holding. There really would have been no coming back from something like that I'm sure.

Ohhh the Good times at 290!!

Totally makes me laugh!!

For those who are not easily offended.... enjoy! Alfie and I watched this SNL video like 4 times yesterday and each time was just as funny as the first! The SNL Digital Short is called "Jizzed in my pants"

Yo its Thanks to the Gi - ving Biotches!

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Weekend

So this weekend went by too fast! But not without PLENTY to laugh about. Friday night we went to the graduation party for becky. It was a lot of fun and we got to play Rock Band 2, which at first glance is AWESOME, but after saturdays plans its banned from the house until further notice. But anyways, we had a lot of fun playing RB2, and its songs were wayyyy better than the first one. Then saturday rolled around, and we had planned (prior to playing on friday night) to play on saturday for a bit. Well it was my understanding it would be me alfie, jake, ryan and lauren... ohh boy was I wrong. Well it was 4 of us for about 2hrs but then it quickly turned into 10 ppl in my little home who kept playing for another 2 hrs. so we had the dumb thing going for 4HOURS!! in my world thats 2hrs too long. Not only that but i had totally just cleaned that morning so now I had people moving things around to sit and it got crazyyyy loud and I just wanted quiet (i had gotten up at 8 to clean) andI had stuff i needed to get done but couldn't really do that. Moral of the story is NEVER AGAIN. :) That my friends is how things become unwelcome at my house :) (im starting to get annoyed just thinking about saturday).



Then the fun got brought back when we went over to steve and megs house with dave cassie mark becky and ryan. We played an AWESOME game of catch phrase. Here are some of the highlights from that game:



** SOB: I thought that was S.O.B so my drescription consisted of "last word is a female dog" although sadly it shoulda been "another word for crying very hard" woops!



**Bat Boy: Most would think of the boy who gets the baseball bats at a baseball game. Nope, not ryan. His description was "its a mythological creature". This is what he was thinking:



LOL it was pretty funny cause Alfie actually got it.
**Enema: My description was "its when they shoot water up your butt to flush you out"... Dave got it!! We then had a discussion about whether or not the actually "shoot" stuff up there or just insert it and it dissolves.

But the hands down best was the description for MOBY DICK, done by Cassie (i love that girl!)
It went a bit like this:

"Ok, i think its an author"
"second word is a part guys have, (motioning around the genital area)"

"Ok when they get excited and this happens (makes a boner motion with her arm)"

Needless to say none of us girls guessed Moby Dick, and we all had a great laugh as we explained what in fact Moby Dick was.

Overall it was a good time. We even got to do a little kareoke too, and learned a hilarious song called "Jesus is my friend"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8&feature=related

Nothing like an old school song to make you laugh.