True Story: The Boob Pillow...

**Based on ACTUAL events. Names have been changed to keep people anonymous**

So a few years ago a group of my friends go together for a Christmas gathering. We had previously decided to exchanged White Elephant gifts. Awesome. Everyone did a great job bringing silly items. But the most hilarious gift was an anatomically correct bright pink pillow in the shape of Tata's. Yeah that's right! I think we guessed them to be a D or a DD. The best part was they were originally opened by Bark and Mecky who sooo DID NOT want them but got stuck with them in the end via the luck of the White Elephant process! lol And thus began the game of dropping them off at each other's home. Bark and Mecky stealthily kept the pillow hidden until they could sneak it into someone else's home and leave it to be discovered at another date by another couple. Such as a Murder Mystery party at Meve and Stegan's (they sound Swedish, ya!). Well Meve and Stegan found the Billow (haha boob pillow, that was Alfie's phrase, not mine) that had been hidden in their bedroom and then proceeded to share the billow wealth and dropped it off at Rosh and Jobin's (haha Jewish??orrr Jamaican, mon' ??) and Rosh and Jobin made sure to bring it to our house, where it sat on the floor in our room waiting to be taken to Cave and Dassie's (haha Southern friends ??? lol). And this is where it gets interesting....

Alfie and I lived next door to his sister and brother in law for a few years at 290. It was great getting to see our niece and nephews, especially in the summer when they would be out playing when we would get home from work. On this particular day Cristen and the kids stopped over (i think i was home due to morning *all the time* sickness).

Side note: Alfie and I leave stuff around. no surprise here. Especially in our room. Neither of us are masters at picking up. But we also don't have anything dir-tay that NEEDS to be tucked away, however we are good about keeping things that should be private, private. Moving on...

So of course we didn't care that the kids would go into any room as they would search for our cat Nelly. We were used to this, and often Nelly would hide under our bed. No biggie. It was not shocking that as Cristen and i stood chatting in the family room, the kids had made their way into our bedroom. Although this time they came out with THE PILLOW. OH.DEAR.LORD. I.HAVE.CORRUPTED.THE.KIDS!! THEY HAVE THE PILLOW! (which had been on the floor by the dresser waiting to be taken to Cave and Dassie's).

"What is this?" was pretty much the first thing out of their mouth. I could not believe this was happening...NO NO NO! Luckily Cristen jumped in with a "Hmm what do you think it is?" (brilliant! test out what they know and see how much damage control we need to run...perfect!! What a mom!!). Micah jumps in with a "I think they look like eyes" and proceeded to hold them up like eyes. (Okay, i can see that... one down, one to go before we are in the clear). And then Jonah pipes in with "I think they look like these" and to my horror held them to where the large D-Cup mamba jambas would naturally be. DANG IT! Right on the money! Smart lil guy! Luckily their wise mama jumped in with a "Maybe Aunt Kimi uses them to practice for the baby?".....so clever, so clever. She then proceed to usher the boys out of the house and encourage them to play outside. THANK YOU JESUS! BUTTTT not before snapping a picture and sending it to Alfie with the caption "Uncle Alfie, what are these??" haha At which point he called saying "uhhh are you at home?!?!?" haha fearful that the kids had been at our house without me. You can bet that I made sure Cristen knew the back story of how we got the pillow as a white elephant gift and that it was not some freaky sex toy her children were holding. There really would have been no coming back from something like that I'm sure.

Ohhh the Good times at 290!!