Baby-versary: What I wish I had known....

So in honor of having an almost 1 year old, I am deeming this week Baby-versary, and will post baby themed posts all week! Sounds fun, doesn't it?! Ok, on to today’s post....

What I wish I had known....
There is a LOT to becoming a parent that people don't always tell you. So here are my "WOW, wish I had known that" thoughts:

-No matter how hard you try, you will resort to talking like a baby. Diapy, and boogies, nigh night and punkin, naughty and num nums. None of which are real words, but are infant mutated baby speak, that you use and if you aren't careful will use it often around adults and even *gasp* at work.

- You will live (and function) on a few hours of sleep. Those first few weeks/months alfie and I maintained an OUTRAGEOUS sleep schedule of me sleeping 10-3am and then him sleeping 3-8am and going to work. I'm not sure how we both functioned on that schedule but thanks to our good friends Coffee and Mt. Dew we managed. And not much changes as they sleep through the night. They still occasionally wake and act crazy, or diverge from any sleep schedule and because the precious naps are now "catch up time" for adults, you can pretty much say Adios to any naptime for momma or daddy.

-You realize that a 20 min hot shower is worth its weight in GOLD. Not so much now, but back when he was little and he ran the schedule, and was practically attached at the nip hip. A long shower was un heard of, and when it occurred it was like a 20 minute vacation. Oo throw in a shave of the legs, and a chance to blow dry your hair and WOW it’s like a vacation AND spa day all rolled into one! Ahh the simple things.

-You find out that Baby makes the schedule. Yeah it’s nice to go out and about and do stuff and take your baby but the consequence of skipping a good quality nap, makes not only Colton grumpy and miserable but makes Momma miserable for having to deal with a grumpy baby. And OH don't even think about shifting bedtime (we tried and what resulted was a CRAZY child, who thought midnight was a cool time to play)

-You get used to being pooped/peed/spit up on/ having baby food dripped on you, picking out boogies. No outfit is exempt or no outing too special. An occasional spit up on a nice shirt or a blowout explosion in the diaper that spills onto a great skirt. Yeah they have no bias, everything is fair game. There have been many times I get to work only to find spit up residue or stuck on food, somewhere on my clothing.

-Leaving the house without a bazillion bags is unheard of. Before it was me and a purse. Now it is me and a purse and a diaper bag and a snack bag or a bottle bag filled with meals and formula. Oh and toys, car seat toys, rattley toys, teething toys and 1 maybe 4 2 spare outfits. Because God forbid YOU have that screaming child that people stare at wondering why the parents can't shut them up and why the parents are SOO unprepared! (and no, I can NOT carry a purse, I tried, but it’s my one item that makes me feel like a woman, so I drag it everywhere)

-Babies aren't as frail as I thought. Yeah they are tiny but they were just yanked and pulled and squarshed to get into this world. They aren't gonna break. It took me a while to realize this, and while I still and not a fan of ppl jostling Colton too much, the fact that he is ALL smiles and giggles when they do, makes me a lot less nervous.

-Stay in the moment. I honestly don't recall much of those first few weeks. They are just a hodge-podge of short memories. I wish I had written more down and taken more pictures, so I would remember it all. (I did journal through it so it’s not ALL a complete loss). I also have to catch myself from saying "i can't wait until Colty can do ___" . I don't want to rush his growing up process, but rather enjoy the age he is now.

-New stuff for babies are WAYYY overrated. New toys, new clothes, new gadgets. Baby stuff’s turnover rate is so high that the price of getting something new or asking for something new isn’t worth it. Give me gently used toys, or clothes and I am set. $1 for a onesie? Yes please. $.50 toys? Heck yeah! My child plays with a COASTER a freakin COASTER and loves it! He will shake a bottle with pennies in it for hours and get the biggest kick out of it. SO momma will NOT be paying for some new sparkly gadget when he really doesn't need it.

-Loud people become your enemy. Never wake a sleeping baby (and if you do I will kill you) is how most parents feel. So there is nothing worse than loud people who remain loud regardless of if your child is asleep or awake. Because the feeling that comes across your body when that loud person shouts and your entire being freezes in terror and then you hear that dreaded cry from upstairs and all you REALLY want to do is say to that loud person "ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME, YOU KNEW HE WAS ASLEEP!! GO.FIX.THIS." is nothing short of primal.

-Dining out with babies is a thing of the past. We tried taking Colty out to Aja Noodle one time....FAILURE. Screaming child + glaring looks from other diners = "uhh can you make that order to-go?" Yeah we got our meal and got the heck out of there. (I wouldn't have been surprised one bit, if they had applauded us as we walked out the door). It was awful. And since then, it will take an act of God to get me to take him to a restaurant. No. Thank you.