My life is perfect...oooorrr not

Confession: I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook status’.

“My husband is so wonderful! He just surprised me with this huge bouquet of flowers! Just ‘cause! I am soooo blessed”

Because what I read was “SUCK IT! My husband is better than yours! NA Na Na boo boo!”

“Baby girl just took a 3 hour nap, while I deep cleaned the house and baked! So blessed!”

What I read was “MY KID IS SUPERIOR!! And oh yeah! I baked bread from scratch and combed the carpet with a hairbrush so that all the weft was lying in the same direction, while I wore my family heirloom pearls. God is soooo good…SUCK IT”

And when I read many of those all too familiar status updates, I have to try really hard (like really really hard) to not compare my husband to that when he comes home, empty handed, wondering what is for dinner or when Colton is the cranky spawn of Satan for no reason or when after a frazzled day at work I pull out a frozen pizza, make a call for some take out, or just drive through McDonalds. I have to remind myself that no, I didn’t get the “short end of the stick” not all Facebook status’ are in fact what they claim to be. And believe me, I am sure we are ALL offenders. I know I have posted many a status or instagram pic or something that unintentionally hurts someone else. Most likely any post about being pregnant or how tough I find my pregnancy, is like salt in a wound to a friend who may struggle to conceive, who may wish they were pregnant and who may think “would she quit her complaining?” Or a post about a night out with friends might be difficult to someone without family around to ease the load and give them a night out and chance to relax. And my personal “ouchie” a stay at home momma saying what a blessing it is to stay home, might be particularly disheartening to a working momma, like myself. I know I am not alone in this. I know many others have to bite their tongue, grin and bear it, turn the other cheek, or even block people that seem to be more popular offenders. So when does it go from a simple and innocent “blessing post” to a “brag post”? How do you know if you are a repeat offender or not? Good question! I have no idea!! But I will say it is helpful to ask. Ask close friends, or family, take notice of the comments or “likes” on the status. Be sensitive about events in your friends lives. Get a blog ;) do all your bragging and bitchin’ on that platform (like muah). And please please please don’t end your status with “So thankful” or “So blessed” (and if you do, do it in a crazy hashtag, cause everything is funnier as a hashtag!). Because we know! Believe me, we know that you are thankful and blessed! It’s just that sadly 9 times out of 10 it comes off as “Christian Bragging” under the guise of being “thankful” or “blessed”. And all people think when they read it, instead of cheering along, is “here they go again…must be nice…my life blows”. And really, who wants that??!! And what about those “friends” you have that are clearly repeat offenders and you walk the fine line between loving them and hating their posts? Well my passive aggressive nature keeps me from confrontation, so a suggestion passed along to me by my sister, is to remove them from my feed. That way they can keep on truckin’ and doing their thang on Facebook and I can keep my annoyance, irritation or general snarkiness in check.

And I will leave you with a personal example: My pregnancy instagram pictures. One could think just by looking at my weekly photos that I always dress up, or look nice or have had a glowing pregnancy. One could think that by my photos my pregnancy is A-mah-zing. When in reality, that is oh so false! What you didnt see were the early on bump pics because I had my face in the toilet hurling most of my food into it, which made me look pale and awful. Or the 10 pictures prior to the one i posted because I looked weird, or silly or giant. What you dont see are that I make sure and post on a day when I am forced to dress up and have time to do my makeup (like Sunday mornings before church). What I purposefully don’t post are pictures of me in my typical pregnancy uniform : makeup off, no bra, sweatpants, bags under my eyes, hair all busted, and a giant tshirt. If you happen to catch me on a Saturday, that’s usually how I look! What I don’t post are the pictures after I have had a melt down with swollen eyes and red nose from being too tired, overwhelmed, or just “so over this”. Why not, you ask? Probably because nothing is more raw and intimate than putting yourself out there…the good, but especially the bad and the ugly. But really it is because, I want to be able to look back in a year and see myself looking nice rather than hotmess-ish. And as a result I’m sure it comes off differently than intended. And so today I attempted to rectify some of that by posting a very real, very pregnant, very ugly picture of myself on Facebook and Instagram with a 60lb weight gain in labor with Colton. The last thing I want is people to think I “always look good in pregnancy” when if it wasn’t for Alfie forcing me into “real pants” (often) I’d probably always leave the house in sweats! You think im kidding?!

So lets make an effort to be real, folks! To post the bad with the good, the frazzled with the calm, cool and collected and the crazy moments with the normal ones. Because I for one will breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I am not the only one who doesn’t have “the perfect life” J

I'd like to introduce you to my girls....

Confession: My boobs are out of control.

Sorry, was that too much? Oh well. Ya know that age where your filter starts to go out the window and you are all like, “TMI? Who cares! We’re all friends here, right?” Yeah I think I am there. So anyways. I have never been a small chested gal, and when pregnant, these things become ginormous 2 pound milkers. 9 times out of 10, I get dressed in my morning fog, only to make it to work and think “Oh boy, that’s a tad too much boob for the office” but at that point what’s a girl to do, other than not cross her arms so as to not enhance the bazingas. I know this girl who when pregnant, may or may not have used a food scale to weigh her gigante ladies.  She may or may not have been me. Crazy right!? Yeah yeah yeah I hear the “Whaaaaaa…quit your crying” since I know many a flatties who pray for the Boob gods to amply bless them during pregnancy. But ohhhh ladies just you wait. When those heavens part and them Tata angels touch you, you may find yourself far from joining in the Hallelujah chorus! Especially when you realize dem melons can trump eye contact and can cause distracted conversation focus! And yowza that’s just the boobs. I wont even discuss the national geographic nippage that occurs, I mean really folks its like a set of gumballs, gumdrops, your favorite hard candy, whatever. It’s ridiculous! And God forbid you encounter a cool breeze or a boob slap from a sibling (yeah thanks Christy) the sensitivity is something so unexpected! There are certain times in pregnancy that I just have to chuckle and sigh as I think "well we have reached a new low here" and last week was one of those such times… I was eating lunch, some arroz con gandules (Rice with pigeon peas) and was holding the container at my belly and spooning (who am I kidding, we all know I was shoveling it into my mouth like a heffer) portions into my mouth only to feel a grain fall into ma cleave. So I fished it out, only to then find another and another. 3 grains of rice were resting on the little shelf area between my boobs and my belly down my shirt. So there I am, at my desk, digging down my shirt for those three stupid grains of rice! Oye! Luckily I had the decency to toss them rather than eat them, cause that would be gross…right? For sure! Right, totally gross… *sigh* Welp, no one said pregnancy was glamorous, that’s for sure! And so with 10 more weeks to go, lets see just how much more mammoth these beasts can get!!

Mommy Dearest...

Confession: Being a step mom is tricky.

Did I mention I have been married for 5 years and have yet to meet my step daughter? Again Cray cray! Much of that is due to the fact that she lives out of state with her mother and well, we live here. And while Alfie goes out to visit her usually every year around her birthday, it is that difficult road to travel  between desire to really want to meet her, and the worry that me (new wife) being around ex wife, would in some way make his time with his daughter harder, trickier, more torturous. For what? All so I can have an opportunity? I never thought it was fair, and I never wanted to ruin that small window of time, just for my wants. He deserves to have that time be as perfect as possible, even if it means I go another year without meeting her, or if it means I have to cringe and deal with the expenses that come with the territory. That’s what we do, right?

There are many things I wish more people talked about, and being a step parent is one of them. Especially one with a straining relationship between the hubby’s ex and himself. And then here I am, the “new wife” tossed in the mix. Unsure of whether to be fully involved, to mind my own business, to be half involved and half not involved, I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t often, okay rarely ever, have a sounding board of friends or aquaintences with whom I can bounce questions off of or ask for advice from the perspective of having an additional child fit into the mix. And for these past 5 years, it really hasn’t been an issue. Much of our situation was almost “out of sight, out of mind” due to the fact that Alfie’s daughter didn’t live here, had yet to visit, and had a parent who was unwilling to allow certain things. Until now. Circumstances have changed and we are working through new parental responsibilities and roles, definite changes to current visitation privileges, and possible custody changes. All during which we are taking care of a 2 year old, working and oh yeah, expecting a baby. And much of it feels like sailing through uncharted waters at the mercy of out of state lawyers and with involvement of ex-inlaws. And while this is a HUGE answer to many, many, many (like 10 years worth of) prayers, it is still really stressful and often makes me wonder, “Okay, God, whatcha doing here”? Not in doubting his plan, but in the “why now?”, “What are you planning here, Lord?” It’s that exciting anticipation of what He is going to do, along with that fearful anxiousness of having absolutely no idea how things are going to play out, how long it is going to take, or what that means for our small family. However, there have been definite moments of “God things” that remind me that He is sooo allllll over this entire situation. One of the “God things” that im like, “yep, that was totally You!” is our home. We bought our house in Webster 2 years ago, and never really thought about the number of bedrooms we would need. Most houses in our price range had 3 rooms, almost none had 4 and even fewer had 4 with more than 1 bathroom (more than 1 bathroom was a MUST for me). And then we found our current house. 4 bedrooms, and more than 1 full bathroom! Little did we know, that we would need the 4^th room as more that a craft room or guest room. Little did we know that it would be important and an ease to the mind to not have to figure out how we would make a special space for an 11 year old, while also having to plan for a nursery! Little did we know it would be important in our home study to have a specific bedroom arrangement for her. I know I would for sure be freaking out more so than I am now… (I’m a worrier, what can I say…). And the crazy part is that this has all primarily happened since Christmas! There has been lots of paperwork filled out, a few court “phone appearances”, many sleepless nights and much excitement of what could be coming. We are currently prepping for a home inspection, in which we didn’t get much advanced notice (for a planner like myself, that is very very nerve wracking) and which would determine how long of visits Alfie’s daughter would be able to have. I have no doubt we will pass with flying colors, but the whole unknown factor to it and the desire to put ours and our homes best foot forward, does put me on edge. So here’s hoping everything tomorrow goes well! And well, I guess, more to come in the next 2 months! Oye!