Hello Old Friends....

Yes, I'm like a bad sequel. Just when you think they can't POSSIBLY come back with another sequel to whatever poorly made, no plot movie, they do and it usually sucks balls pretty bad. Well that's me, for what the 3rd or 4th sequel of my long running blog. Back to attempt to document my craziness with a little bit of humor, a whole lot of reality and maybe a few juicy tidbits and confessions here and there.

So here we go... Confessions of a LoMag: Part 3 - Tackling kids, family and the craziness we call life.

“You think you know, but you have no idea.”

Confession:  You never really know what’s going on inside someone else’s world.

It’s funny how something so obvious is often forgotten. You see people living the dream. 3 kids, fantastic house, great marriage, perfect job, impeccable style etc. and it’s easy to think that life for them is amazing. And while I’m sure each could go on again and again with the abundance of true blessings, each person has their struggles. (I know, its sounding like I’m gonna do a FB rant, but bear with me…) I attend craft night, with some very lovely ladies and most often we keep it light and chatty, but since we have been seeing each other every month for almost 2 years, it lends itself for some deeper discussions. And with those deeper discussions come amazement at the strength of these women. It’s one thing to deal with an ordeal, trauma, health struggles,  publicly but it’s another to deal with it personally. To have your mountain be so big that you keep it close and it resides within just a few trusted hearts. It’s those struggles that people usually don’t talk about and those struggles that make me want to be cheerleaders for these women. They are mommas, wives, professionals. They have laughter and smiles and kind words to give and share and then you find out just how big their mountains are and how they have tackled or are tackling it with such grace and composure is amazing! But sometimes within that silence, within that solitude of your mountain are mommas who ache to be heard. They ache to be understood and they are looking for the camaraderie of those going through the same thing.

So to the momma’s who….

don’t get a nap during the day after their kid was up all night…

don’t get to snuggle their babies during weekday cartoons

drop off their babies to day care

have to hear “Mommy don’t go to work” and know there’s no choice about that

don’t have a job and wonder how to put food on the table

have a house or apartment that feels too small, or old or not what they’d dreamed

have family that lives far away and they don’t get to see often

have love handles, stretch marks and a few extra pounds they can’t shed

have slept on pee stained sheets because they forgot their kids peed on them or were just too tired to care

forgo makeup or doing their hair or working out or much needed “me time” for that of their family

have aches and pains and are bed ridden or home bound or not the picture of health they once were

desperately want a child, to grow their family or begin their family

are going at life alone, without a spouse to love and support them

have loved ones with whom they aren’t speaking to

is picking up toy after toy and clothes after clothes and the house is still a wreck

is just struggling to hang in there…

to those moms, I hear you. I so very much hear you! From a mom who has more than one item on that list, I hear you. I feel you. You are not alone. Take a deep breath… you can do it. A quote that always gets me is “No mom ever said, id wished id hugged my child less” Same could be said for “No mom ever said, I wished id spent less time with my kids” But I can promise we will wish we had forgoes that homemade meal that had us pulling out our hair in turn for an hour of snuggle time or play time with our kids. A house that’s a mess  because you chose that time to accept the invitation to play from your baby that will only want to play with you for a few more years. It’s thoughts like that that help me get through it. That and knowing I’m not alone, I’m not perfect and that’s okay.  Thoughts that remind me to remind MY friends that you are doing amazing, you will reap the fruits of your labors as a mom, wife and friend, and that in the end it is so worth it. So.Very.Worth it.

 

 

Lucy's birth story…

So that I can document and remember the precious event, here is Lucy's birth story...
(To read Colty's birth story click here )

I was so over being pregnant. You know when you get to that point? The point that if this child doesn’t exit your body, you are going to become an even bigger, crankier, hot mess than you currently are? Well that was me. So I polled my Facebook friends on what methods they used to kick into labor. At this point I was considered full term, so I was okay with giving birth. And yowza on the suggestions I got: spicy food, lots of walking, sex, and castor oil. Meh. Nothing that I thought would really work. But I thought, well, other than the castor oil, I might as well give them each a try. Worst case, nothing happens, which occurs if I do none of them. Best case, I go into labor! So, Saturday (June 1^st) after being home allllllll day long, and me feeling giant and exhausted due to the 90 degree weather we had been having, we opted to run out to target. And well, I had pity on my poor homebound husband and suggested to head to Canal Days and grab a bite, and hit up target later. Of course he was game. So over to Fairport we went. As we headed over, I got a call from Susan, inquiring if we were going to make pastelillos that night. I had mentioned to her the prior day that I wanted to make Spanish food and she had offered to come over and help. SO when she called, we shared our plans to head to Canal Days and they could meet us there if they were interested. So they did. Once we got there, we walked. And walked. I drank lemonade and had an Italian sausage. Walked some more. Ate some roasted almonds and did more walking. Got caught in the rain, which felt amazing, and did more walking. We hung out in the ungodly heat for 2 hours! By the time we decided to go home, I was very much uncomfortable! We then decided to head home and whip up some pastellilos for a late night (8pmish) snack and invited Christy/ben and mom over to come grab some too. It was a fun time of eating and hanging out. I think that night I headed to bed around 11. But as I lay in bed, I was getting some serious contractions. They were painful and I was so uncomfortable. I got out of bed to stand beside it and lean over it to sway and do breathing exercises. I remember crying and thinking that I was so done…sooo done. Oh yeah, I skipped a “method” that we tried, after during a shower…hey-o…. Anyways, I decided, I better time these awful contractions. And nothing. 4mins, 5mins, 6mins apart they were. Nothing consistent, and nothing that I thought were labor. Just some no fun Braxton hicks. After timing them, I thought I might as well head downstairs and relax rather than stay upstairs in bed uncomfortably awake. So I went to lay on the couch and watch TV. And I ended up falling asleep. Only to be awakened at 2:50am by a slight sensation that I was peeing myself. I made it off the couch and onto the tile when the ”floodgates” opened and good Lord, my water broke. I stood there thinking, “wait am I peeing myself or did my water just break?” and as it just kept coming with no end, I knew it was go time! So I waddled to the bathroom making a detour into the kitchen for a towel so as to not keep making a mess. As I sat in the bathroom, I was trying to decide how to get Alfie. Id left my phone by the couch and didn’t want to scream up and wake up Colton or alarm Alfie. So with towel in hand I shuffled back to the couch and then back to the bathroom (I’d forgotten just how much fluid one has and how it does not stop coming out at an intense amount. I called up to Alfie on my cell and said “sooo im pretty sure my water just broke. Based on the amount of fluid that is coming out, I’m pretty sure it’s not pee. Oh and be careful cause it’s on the floor”. I hung up and then called the on call number for my OBGYN and told them what was going on and waited for the doctor to call me back. At which point I heard Alfie come down and when he got to the bathroom, commented that I had not accurately warned him about where my water broke as he had stepped, barefoot, right into the liquid mess! Nasty! I told him I had called the doctor and will see what they say before alerting the masses, and he said he was going to head back up and hop in the shower. As I sat there waiting for the doctor to call me back, I was just pouring out fluid. I’d forgotten how much really comes out and I feel bad for people who don’t get to experience their water breaking. It really was like it happens in the movies, with the exception that the movies make it seem like it’s a onetime gush instead of the constant flow that it really is. If they did, there would be far fewer scenes of well-meaning passerby’s helping the pregnant mama into their nice cars without so much as a towel to sit on! Anyways, the doctor called back and said to head to the hospital. And we did…an hour later! LOL we had bags to finish packing, calls and texts to make, a child to take to my moms and all while wandering around the house with a towel wedged between my legs soaking everything up…and yes we threw that towel out when we got to the hospital. Luckily we had been there the week before for a false alarm water leaking, so we knew exactly where to park and where to head. We were at the hospital by 4 and promptly headed to triage. Usually they ask you all these lame questions about how much fluid you are leaking and such but when they saw me hobble in with the nasty soaked towel, I’m pretty sure they had their answers. I then changed into the gown and laid on the bed. Which is really nasty as you are just consistently pouring out fluid. It’s like peeing yourself anytime a contraction (which had started on the car ride over) or laughter or cough (which oh yeah, I had a cough from a cold the prior week… no bueno for the impending c section) hit. After the triage doctor came around they concluded that yes I was in labor and yep we can go ahead and prep for c section! So of course the next thing they did was start my iv. Which I hate. I have tiny veins. Super awful veins to try and get and they never have success the first time. And this time was no different. Luckily the nurse that attempted, didn’t even think to try until she was sure she had a vein and then wham…success! I appreciate when they don’t poke just for the sake of trying. At this point we settled in expecting to have a long wait. Alfie went to grab a coffee and something for breakfast and I laid around doing nothing. I had minimal contractions but nothing to focus my breathing on. Eventually Alfie wandered back. Unsuccessful at getting any coffee since the coffee shops hadn’t opened yet. But  shortly after he got back we got word from the nurses that they were prepping the OR! WOW talk about fast! By now it was 5:45am. From here everything moved quickly. The anesthesiologist came in to see me to explain what would happen, they gave me the liquid medicine that you have to drink prior to surgery (it takes like a very tart, slightly nasty syrupy “shot”) and then its go time!! Alfie was sent off to go change into the scrubs as they directed me to walk into the OR. It’s so strange to do that. With Colty I had my epidural so they wheeled me into the room, but for Lucy (and when I had my cyst removed) they have you walk into the room.  It’s weird, cause its noticeably chilly in there, and nothing like you see in Grays Anatomy. It’s VERY bright and open, with the operating table in the middle. There was myself, the anesthesiologist and maybe 2 nurses. Next came the dreaded spinal. I had a bad experience with my epidural for Colty and so was super nervous for the spinal. And to make it worse I didn’t have any “support” in the room. They don’t let your spouse in until after the spinal and right before the surgeon comes in. So they had me straddle the table (it is really narrow, like just slightly wider than your body) and hug a pillow so that your back is really curved. Then they stab you. Lol okay not really but kind of. They go with between your vertebra's and poke you. It’s painful for about 5 seconds and then they are done. You lay down and wait for your bottom half to numb. And it does. It’s so weird! One minute you can feel your legs and then over the course of 10 minutes you cant. They had Michael Jackson playing and I knew…I knew it was going to be a good day and I thought how special it was to hear my favorite right before I was to be delivering my lil lady! Then they let Alfie into the room. As I started to numb they just check in, asking if you can feel this, can you wiggle your toes, etc. I was FREEZING! Which is normal, and as with Colty would shiver really really bad. I didn’t realize that was normal too, but the anesthesiologist was great and got me more blankets and that helped. They also, didn’t have to pin my arms out (in the Jesus stance) as long as I kept them there myself. Which I said I would do. And finally the doctor comes in, and its go time. They warn you a few times, that you won’t feel any pain, just lots of pressure and tugging. With Colty I felt none of that, with Lucy I felt lots of tugging and pressure. They also warn you that it will be quick to get baby out, but a lot longer afterwards to close you up.  And they were right. They were in for a few minutes and then you feel a lot of tugging and pulling and then “WAHHHHHH”. The most precious sound ever. You never realize how anxious you are until you hear that cry and they announce all is okay. Like I said our anesthesiologist was fantastic. He took video and pictures of me kissing Lucy and some of Alfie doing the same. I have watched these videos so often, marveling at the large bundle that just came out of my body. It’s amazing to think those little arms and legs are the same ones that kicked and nudged me all 9 months and are here now for me to hold. How people cannot believe in a higher power when they look at a baby is beyond me. Lucy was born at 6:37am. Such a quick delivery! Alfie held her until they wheeled me out of the OR and into the recovery room. This is where it gets kind of fuzzy. I remember them letting me hold Lucy, but it’s pretty tricky when you can’t sit up and are still laying flat. I think they put Lucy on to nurse, but she didn’t do much and I didn’t put her on. Talk about weird… attempting to nurse but not being with it enough to assist. Thankfully the nurses do a lot of helping, and any self-consciousness about modesty goes right out the window! I think they kept asking me how my legs felt and whether I could move or lift them. I had to wait until I could move both legs before they would let me move into my room. I don’t remember getting into my room much. From that point on, I don’t have much of a memory other than what other people tell me or snippets from pictures or bits that come back to me. I know I had visitors and I think I texted a few people but not sure about conversations or whether I made sense at all. I remember being exhausted, and unable to keep my eyes open. I remember people talking to me and me just falling asleep mid convo. LOL I’m pretty sure my sister and friends got some fabulous pictures of me looking, acting and saying who knows what!! And that (in a long winded nutshell) was how my beautiful Lucy Leigh came into this world. And man is she perfect…so.very.perfect!

I probably shouldnt admit this, but....

Confession: I love me a good guilty pleasure…

Who doesn’t, right?! You know, those things you enjoy that sort of make you cringe when you are forced to admit how much you actually enjoy them. Yep, those! I have a LOT of them. But here we go enjoy these guilty pleasures…

*Reality Shows – Real housewives, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Guiliana and Bill, Millionaire Matchmaker, Don’t be Tardy, Married to Jonas, Duck Dynasty (this one is actually really wholesome)… the list could keep going. Nothing keeps my attention longer and better than a hot mess of reality show goodness. And while most people can’t be bothered with watching that kind of “trashy” tv as they call it, I am drawn to it, like a crazed moth to a flame! It’s sad, I know, but that’s just some good tv, Jack!! It doesn’t even have to be one of my “regular” shows for me to watch. I’ll pop on the tv and “well hello there Shahs of Sunset” or “Good afternoon, It’s a Brad Brad world! I’ll pop my feet up and have a watch!” I really can’t help myself and much prefer shows like that to sitcoms, which are what Alfie prefers. And it’s kind of sad, because if there isn’t a reality show repeat on, I’m kind of like “mehh, whats the point?” I’d rather just not watch tv than watch something else. I’ll even sit through an episode I’ve seen before, or multiple times, just to watch the show. *cringe* Yeah, It’s bad. I know.

*Dancing – It could be a wedding, a club, in my car, in my room, at church, anywhere. I hear a good song with a great beat and I really can’t help bobbing my head and swaying to the beat, just itching to let loose and dance. It’s funny cause my niece Madelyn is the same way. You put on a good tune (aka “Turkey in the Straw”) and girl just can’t help it. You can see it! Her little legs start bouncing, her arms swing and she dances! Girl after my own heart! It’s very rare that a good song will come on and I will not “react” to it. I may not go full blown hardcore in public, but you can bet in my head, I am jamming! Dancing like no one is around, and pretending I’m not an adult who needs to act her age. (If you’d like to test this theory, I suggest throwing on the following songs when im around: Take on Me; Living on a Prayer; or Don’t Stop Believing. Just don’t do an MJ song… I have a strict “no dancing” policy for Michael. It’s a respect thing…boo ya!)

*Gumballs – My dentist can probably attest that I love these with all the bills he has sent my way for all the work he has had to do. But I can (and will) eat my way through an entire bag of gumballs or bubble gum within a day or 2. How you may ask?, Well, I literally grab the bag of gum, and a napkin, paper towel or tissue and pop 1-3 pieces in, chew until the flavor/sugar/juiciness is gone, discard the gum into my napkin and then start over again. It’s kinda like someone with chewing tobacco and a “spitcup” (which I have been known to use a Styrofoam cup instead of a napkin, paper towel or tissue and actually spit the gum into it…yeah…groady). It’s bad, and pretty weird, but I can’t help it! The bag of gum will call to me until I have successful eaten the entire thing. Alfie thinks it’s pretty gross actually and is not a fan when I do it.

*80’s music – I am a sucker for a good 80’s tune. I’m pretty sure I was born many years too late. I didn’t get to enjoy those delightful songs of the decade: “Take on Me”, “Dying in your arms tonight”, anything by Journey, Chicago, Wham, and even the Dirty Dancing sound track, are fantastic. The electronic sound, mixed with the sappy lyrics and snappy beat, are just a win-win-win in my book! During the many hours painting the nursery for Lucy, you can bet that my Pandora station of choice was *gasp* 80’s hits. I don’t know why, but that decade of music was great, and classic and with potential to live on forever. I just can’t help break out into song and dance when a good 80’s tune hits! Mmmm love it!

*Dabble in Hair and Makeup - There are many times I think I may have missed my calling. I love all things hair and makeup related and if I could take classes here and there on doing makeup and styling or cutting hair, I would. For some reason, I just enjoy trying new looks out or getting asked to do hair for someone’s special event. And I by no means am fantastic, but I certainly enjoy it. And you can bet, that when my babies are in school, this mama might be headed back for some additional schooling of her own J

*Movies/Shows that make me ugly cry – I am a crier. I think it’s because I can empathize with things, and so often, with books and or movies, if something touches me, I will cry. And man, sometimes, it is a gut wrenching, full blown, sob fest! Perfect example: Last night I watched the second to last episode of “The Office”. I wept. Alfie laughed (at me). It could be the hormones, or the fact that we all (except her) knew Pam was MORE than enough for Jim, either way it could have easily turned into quite the “ugly cry” moment...If it wasn’t for Alfie laughing at me.  Rudy is probably the most consistent culprit of making me ugly cry, at 2 different parts too: when he gets into Notre Dame (yeah Spoiler alert) and when they carry him off the field….every.time. and yet I will watch that movie any and every time it is on tv! And oddly I don’t mind! I feel better after a good ugly cry and can wipe the tears and go on with my day…fulfilled.

So there you have it! Some of my guilty pleasures. What are yours??  

Faith

I have had the below blog post written since June 22^nd 2012. It never felt like the right time for me to post it. It always felt intimate, personal, and even a bit concerning that it wouldn’t be taken the way it was intended. But recently I have read it, many times over, and keep having a sense that I should share it. My prayer is that it is the Spirit tugging and that it will be well received. I planned to save it for Faith’s birthday but thought that might be too difficult of a time.

 So to my dear friends, you three are thought of often, and Faiths life, although brief has touched my heart and my life forever. I pray this is somewhat of a blessing to you…from my heart to yours...

My blogs are usually silly. Random ramblings from me. But not today. Today it’s much more focused. It’s focused on two very special people. Two people who experienced something that they never should have to. The loss of their precious daughter Faith.

And so my heart is weary and sad. For them, not for Faith, as she gets to rest in the arms of our perfect Savior. But for the mommy and daddy who have to endure until the day they meet their Faith again. And so as their friend I hurt and cry for them. For the loss they experience. But am rejoicing in the comfort they have.  And so to them I’d like to share what their beautiful Faith has reminded me. How her beautiful life has touched mine…

Faith reminded me to trust. To Trust in my Savior, to trust in my faith, to trust in Him, even when my thoughts and heart may question “Why?”.

She has reminded me to believe that God’s plan always is sovereign.  There is something so very comforting in knowing that despite MY plans, God’s plan is always right, always for me, and always for Good. No.matter.what. I can rest in that fact. And I can believe that no matter what I go through the same God that comforts my dear friends, will comfort me. The same God who directs their steps, will direct mine.  The same Lord that is cuddling little Faith, will know my heart for things far less trivial or important and ache with me. I love that.

Faith has reminded me to surround  myself with people who will point me to the cross for all things.  It could be so easy to lose heart and lose faith and feel so alone. But with friends who will lift me to the throne of God in prayer, the comfort of that is unreal.  The comfort of knowing that I don’t even have to ask, and there would be people who would fast and intercede on another believer’s behalf is so special. What a precious thing to see the out pour of love and support between believers.

So to those very special parents. Your beautiful Faith has been such a reminder to me.  In a few short days, her life has already done so very much.  She has planted seeds of Christ’s love in so many hearts. I can only imagine what a proud mommy and daddy you must be.

Hey lets give a little TMI....

Confession: My belly finds out info I didnt need to know.

I went to target the other night and as I was cashing out, the cashier was chatting up my belly. I like to say that a pregnant belly is an instant conversation starter and friendship maker. It got intimate and a bit TMI fast… Anyways, the convo went like this….

Cashier: How much longer? *smile, nod towards belly*

Me: 5 weeks

C: Oh wow, you have a bit still

M: *smile/grimace* yeah

C: Do you know what you are having?

M: a girl

C: Aww that’s great! Are you excited?! Is this your first

M: Yeah its nice. No, we have a little boy. He is 2 ½

C: Oooo one of each!

M: Yep, one of each and now we are done.

C: Oh you never know! I said that to my husband and we now have 4 kids. 2 of which I got pregnant with while on Birth control. *TMI*

Me: *starting to get awkward* Oh, no. We are for sure done. It’s a csection. So I’ll uhh have them take care of things while they are in there.

Cashier: Oh I keep trying to get my husband to go in for the surgery! I hate being on Mirena (NAME OF HER BC!!!)

M: *continued awkwardness but she was nice and put all my bags in my cart for me* Ohhh ok. Thank you, I appreciate that! *nodding towards the filled cart*

C: No problem! Good luck and have a nice night.

M: thanks, you too.

Now we are officially BFFs.

Lesson Learned.

Confession:  I learned a valuable mommy lesson.

The other day I had walked to the Strong Museum of play to grab a sub for lunch from Subway. It was sunny, and a nice day to waddle myself the 2 blocks. I had every intention of walking back and eating at my desk but after ordering my Italian BMT sub, i was tired (ofcourse), so I found a table in the extremely empty cafeteria there and started to eat. A few minutes later my sister called and we were chatting about baby stuff while I ate. No more than 5 mins later a frazzled mom pushing her jam packed stroller comes by, with scream-crying child in tow, along with her friend and her son, and wouldn’t you know they pick the table DIRECTLY in front of me. Not off to the side, not a table away, not on the other side of the empty cafeteria. Nope. Directly in front of me. Oh Lord. The one friend drops off her son and goes up to put in her order while the frazzled mom is trying to console her extremely LOUD child (with no consideration to the fact that A. I was here first or B. I was on my phone). And what happens when a child is crying so hard and screaming and mucus filled??! That’s right, they start gagging, then puking. This child was no different. As I sat there on my phone, attempting to eat my lunch and chat with my sister, I was forced to watch a 2 year old puke a mixture of phlem and juice up into the moms hand, all over the chair and onto the floor. Gross. So. Gross. I should have been more compassionate, I should have been more understanding (we have all been there, right?), I should have been like “whatever”. But it bugged me! Not once did she turn to me and apologize that I had to witness that during my lunch, not once was there any consideration that I was there first, eating, and clearly chatting on my phone. Nothing, not even an apologetic look. And with that I learned a valuable lesson. I should be far more considerate of those around me when my child is acting up. I should be more considerate that there are people who might be out, enjoying a relaxing, child free time and shouldn’t have to listen to my child being difficult. I should be more considerate to pick seating when my child is being naughty as FAR away from people as possible. Lesson.Learned. I should be more considerate.