Keepin' it Real

Confession: I SOOO do not have it all together.

I was blog stalking reading Ashley's blog the other day(go visit and give the girl a holla *yeah that’s right I be ghetto* and ooo check out her lovely Etsy boutique too...feel free to buy me something pretty while you're at it), anyways, girlie was keeping it real with her struggles and frustrations and it dawned on me how often we think of friends, acquaintances, Facebook friends and bloggers we stalk as having it all or having it perfect and I know I often forget that we are all HUMAN, no one’s lives are perfect and nobody has it all together (Hello just look at the Kardashians, especially poor Kim, girl be trippin' ---yikes again with the ghettoness)

So I thought today I would "Keep it real" and share some of my not so "finer" moments... ya know, so you don't go thinking I’m Ms. Perfect or anything....

- I am messy... pretty, pretty messy, not dirty, just messy. Like sure "everything has a place" but it doesn't always get there at first kind of messy. But on the flip side it will drive. me. crazy. until I clean
- Making BIG decisions freak. me. out. Like the "makes me cry" kind of freak out. I had mild melt downs for every purchase more expensive than my mattress. I’m that big of a wimp.
- Self righteous Christians make me wanna act un-Christ-Like towards them (maybe I’ll just start singing "Jesus take the wheel" anytime I feel the urge to slap them act out....)
- I go on cleaning binges. I could not clean for a while then BAM I will clean the house from top to bottom... usually it’s after an argument (like my girl Emily) or before a big party and usually that will hold me for a while
- I argue with Alfie. He is not perfect, I am not perfect, so bring on the occasional arguments. The important part is that we make up and forgive eachother.
- I am a stresser/worrier. I stress for myself, for Alfie, for Colton, for the random person down the block. It’s a daily bad habit I work to break all the time!
- I go back and forth on loving/hating being a working mom (and all the guilt that comes with it) Some days I can't drop off Colton fast enough, other days it’s tough to walk out the door.
- I am VERY conscious of my weight. Like on any given day I can tell you exactly how much I weigh, today, for example I weigh one hundred and no-way-am-I-putting-that-on-here!... mmmhmm no I do not have a disorder, and no I am not as content with my weight as I should be (thank God i do not have a daughter!! lol)
- We already know I shop at thrift stores since I am so frugal with my clothing
- I am OBSESSED with reality television. I love it...LOVE it. All the drama without being involved...can't get enough.
- I take things far too personally and then dwell on them and read into things FAR too much. "What they didn't try my recipe? OMG they hate me and don't wanna be my friend. I can tell...they don't like me. If they liked me they would have tried it." I’m sure I drive Alfie crazy.
- A messy house makes me feel VERY overwhelmed. *hint hint Alfie* If there is a lot going on and then the house is messy, I will shut down and then freak out (and as we read earlier, I am messy, so you can imagine the freak outs happen a-lot!).
- I hate change with every fiber of my being. i hattttttteeeeee ittttttttt. Might explain why I hold so tightly to things I can control and tend to like things MY way.... which is usually the best way but that’s another post in its self.

So, see, next time you think: "Darn that Kimi, has her stuff together", you can refer to this post and know that no, no I just do a really good fake out :)

Serious blog post...boooooo

Confession: this is me.

By reading my blog you are peeking into my thoughts and what makes me tick. Ok lets back up, and whoa we are going to get serious here for a minute (yeah i know boo and blah, but to understand my blogs your gonna have to suffer through it so deal!). I have been blogging ince 2008, when i got married and the blog was lovingly named "confesions of a newlywed" and duh, i posted about life as a new wife and adjusting. This blog went through the fun of the newly married months and then quickly into the unemployment months and the frusteration that went with it. It has seen my happy times and my not so happy times (1st and second trimester...man was i honest). And through it all i attempt to be honest and attempt to toss in a good amount of humor, cause yeah thats me. I try to stay true to me and write a fun blog, a blog i would read (because i REALLY enjoy fun blogs), and a blog that is relatable. Come on, wouldnt you wanna read about someone laughing so hard they peed?? Not that I did that! (ok, maybe once, but i was pregnant! Ok, make that twice, and both times were pregnant, so it wasnt my fault, it was technically Coltons) So thats what I aim to do. To be me, to write my thoughts, even if no one in the world reads it (but i secretly hope people do), it is more for me than anyone. So take my thoughts and opinions worth a grain of salt. And if i offend, sorry but like i said thats me, love me or hate me (try super hard to love me though)and if you are EXTRA special and do something TOTALLY worthy (like suggest a blog idea, or make a comment) i will be sure to give you a shout out (yeah i know, what is better than a shout out from Kimi?!? NOTHING!)but most of all just enjoy it :) If you read it and like it, comment (it makes me feel fuzzy when people comment), if you disagree and hate it, dont comment...lol jk, go ahead and comment too (so everyone else can hate you...lol again jk) I am making it a point to blog a lot more often and i encourage my other friend bloggers (you know who you are) to do the same!!

Ok seriousness OVER... phew, back to the fun stuff like the fact that i have a packet of Big League Chew sitting here and i am trying my hardest to resist my bubble gum obsession and eat right through it! Sorry Alf, cause that pack is definitely not mine.... and yes, its gone!

Its my blog, I'll complain if I want to....

Confession: Im in a funk today...

Boo, i know. I tried 3 times between today and yesterday to write a successful blog but no such luck. So todays will be lame...sorry. Maybe its the rain, or the lack of sunshine, or the fact that i havent had a chance to blow dry my hair...(probably the blow dry, it makes me cranky)! Whatever it is is pretty bumming. The fat free icing to the low fat cake is the fact that i am dieting and STARVING! I want real chicken wings. I want a real burger. I want lasagna and cheese, pizza, bread sticks, loaded fries and potato skins! But i have 2 i repeat 2 weddings this summer and am dead set on dropping enough weight to look like a skeleton walking down the aisle. And yes, in my mind a skeleton is dead sexy... (haha good one) Okay, new topic...

We are steps away from finishing the kitchen table!! Its looks soooo linda...as in que linda! Its the same white as the trim and doors in the kitchen and the seat covers have this adorable floral print pattern that highlights the gray in the walls. I can't wait to be finished with it, so we can start tiling the backsplash or painting the cabinets! :) The kitchen is going to look so pretty....feel free to be jealous...i wont hate you. After the kitchen its the half bath or maybe the fireplace room...decisions decisions!

So I am getting the "not enough time" blues. Working Mommas chime in.... how do you do it? I will gladly take suggestions, advice anything! How do you put in a 40+hour week and then go home and be the house wife, momma AND maintain your sanity? Obviously people do it, but HOW?!? I just feel like I can never get the things done that NEED to be done, like dishes, or cleaning or laundry or workout or shower.... not to mention the room full of unpacked items that have sat there since the move. man if only i had put in how may times i just sat here and sighed.... its the rain, im blaming this post on the rain.... :/

Double the Confessy goodness...

Yes, thats right, you get 2 confessions today! Love it!

Confession #1: Not many people know I blog.

Weird, cause to most people the point of a blog is to put it all out there and have people read about it. True for some, but not necessarily for me. I have been blogging since I was young, but in those days it was called journaling and we used a notebook and a pen. I have a box full of my old journals and I LOVE to look back on them and chuckle at the things I said and people I wrote about. And now I have moved up to the world of blogging and my blogs now remain true to the style of journaling from back in the day. I write like I speak and I write like there is a person right here. I use parentheses’ liberally and my spelling and grammar are loosely based on the correct process. Which is fine for me because A. I don’t care and B. I don't like to stop my train of thought to figure out if what I wrote is spelled correctly or flows correctly (I like to pretend it’s not that bad). I still do the old school journaling process for important things like my letters to Colton, or my very deep and very personal feelings. Those will always remain in a notebook, handwritten.(wow just got serious there for a sec...boo)

On to the fun stuff... I try to keep my bloggies upbeat and fun, or at least a true reflection of my mood. I do get serious and I do get sad, and I do write about those times. Two in fact come to mind... my pregnancy and my unemployment. Those were very emotional and very tough and I will admit I was veryyyyy candid in my blog. Because although I may struggle to find the words verbally, I have no trouble putting my feelings on paper. (wait, wasn't I supposed to be talking about the fun stuff??) Ok, on to the fun stuff, take 2!

Confession #2: I heart free food!
So can I just gush for a second on how great it is to get free food?!?! So at work for the past 2 days our customer has been in the building and we put on a large meeting to go over the progress of the program with them. So that means that there will be catered meals (gotta step it up for the customer right?) And although myself and the other analysts (cost and schedule) do not have to attend the meeting, we do get the "leftovers". Yeah ok that doesn’t sound nearly as good as it actually is. But bear with me.... Obviously we have to let the meeting attendees eat first, but we all wait at our cubicles like lil starving puppies, waiting for the "ohh there is plenty of food, go help yourselves" from the admin. And then rush the tables like it’s our last meal! And every time it’s something delicious! Tuesday = jerk chicken, twice baked potatoes, green beans with EVOO and feta, tiramisu and assorted cakes for dessert; Wednesday = pulled pork, coleslaw, Mac n cheese, cornbread, and an ice cream bar with 20+ toppings!!!! Today I was told it is manicotti, probably with some sort of garlic bread and salad. And that’s just lunch. They also serve them breakfast and coffee/soda ALL DAY, which means we can pretty much wander over and snag drinks ALL DAY. LOVE IT! It was nice when I was pregnant (probably aided in the 50lbs gained) because they would ALWAYS say "oh go grab some food" welll before they let anyone else :) Or sometimes I would just go, whether or not they okayed it cause really, who is going to say no to a hungry pregnant lady!? (preggers get away with EVERYTHING... that just may have to be tomorrows blog topic, cause seriously it’s unreal!) Yes, I know you are thinking NOOOO PLEASE SAY YOU DIDNT EAT THAT!! WHAT ABOUT 40 in 40!?? believe me, I ate it, and thought about how I was wrecking my 40 in 40 (which meant I felt guilty all afternoon). BUT IT WAS FREEE! and in my defense, with the exception of the ice cream, I didn’t go overboard on portions and didn’t indulge in dessert. It’s a good sign though that at least I am thinking about it, right??? Yeah we shall see how I do with today’s menu...oye!

This is why I blog.. this is why, this is why, this is why i blog!

So its crappy Monday yet again(i guess its not really crappy, id just rather be home sleeping than here, therefore making today crappy) and i don't really have anything intelligent to write about, but for me this blog is cathartic. Confession: I have kept a journal since highschool. Yeah crazy, cause im not a great writer. I just happen to be one of those people whose thoughts and feelings get all jumbled together and i have much better clarity when I put it out on paper(or on computer). Its funny to go back through and read my journals. I wrote them to "Journal" who in my head was a person, who would read what i wrote, and care about my feelings. I generally didn't write to myself, it was often a third person. I literally started out with" Journal," and ended with "love, Kimi." Sometimes there would be a p.s. or an update from a previous entry. If I hadn't written in a while, I would "apologize" and then update with whats been going on since then. lol silly i know. Some were upbeat and funny and some were sad and depressing. i really had a hard time with boys and my physical appearance and wondering how come nobody wanted to date me. Its pretty sad to go back through and see how much boys impacted my self worth, and how ugly I honestly felt. I read them through now and have been tempted MANY times to throw them away but part of me wants to save them for my kids (cause they probably would get a kick out of them) and then the other part of me saves them for me cause they are my memories. I wrote about my massive crush in highschool, about my crazy roommate dramas in college, about meeting boys, about meeting and getting to know alfie, about feeling happy with life and sad and angry. I even wrote a letter to my future husband, lists of what i would like to accomplish in life, a timeline (i should be taking my children to Disney world this year according to that! lol) and even doodled clothing designs (I totally had a sweater dress drawn in there from prob freshman year college and now they are in style!) You name it its in there. I enjoy the candidness of blogging/journaling and it definitely helps me from being uber emotional because I take it out in the entry instead of the person/people. So that is why I blog... because I have before just in a different form, because it helps and because its fun. It has nothing to do with who reads its (although i do love knowing people care enough about my life to peek into it) and has everything to do with MUAH! :)

Wait, Im supposed to like blogging right?

HOLY CRAP!! can i just vent about how non-user friendly this bloggin thing is? I have tried for the past hour (yeah I shoulda been working) to attempt to change my template to something snazzy. Instead as you can see, frusteration has won out and i am settling on this plain, although chic (black is always chic) background. Yeah ok I guess it will do :)Last night Alfie and I had dinner out with our ever-fun-foursome: Josh and Robin and Luke and Heather at Rio Bamba on Alexander street. Josh used to work there so he knew the headchef and wanted to do a tasting. Well we all ended up doing a tasting which was amazing! A tasting (for those like me who didn't know what it is) is like on Top chef where they do a bunch of courses but in mini 1-2 bite portions. So it started out with the appetizer of mozzerella and tomato salad, then came the ahi tuna with miso broth and soba noodles, then shrimp, bean and spinach followed by veal and ending with a strawberry icecream filled pastry puff. Yum-O. We all definitely left there feeling nice and full! Newlywed confession: I totally love food. No joke, you name it, I would probably try it once. The only food i HATE... brussle sprouts. ICK they are so nasty, all looking like baby cabbage heads. gross. Needless to say the guys were impressed by my eating skills (i totalled kicked the guys butts with finishing the courses first or second)

Anyways.... thank the Lord for long weekends! Considering I just got back from a week long honeymoon, I am more than ready for a few days of sleeping in and doing laundry (much needed) and cleaning the house! Not that I am looking forward to them, it will just be nice when those things get done. I hate having a messy house. :) My big surprise for the weekend was letting Alfie get his new flat screen TV. He has been begging/bugging/hinting/whining about getting a new tv but me being the wonderful pennypincher that I can be has been saying no. I figured certain things take priority (like a bed and some furniture...lol)! But anyways, with the wonderfully generous gifts from the wedding I figured we could treat ourselves to something special, something that will last for a looooooong time (it better!), something like a TV.Well I guess its back to work for me now... 1 more hour :)