Hey lets give a little TMI....

Confession: My belly finds out info I didnt need to know.

I went to target the other night and as I was cashing out, the cashier was chatting up my belly. I like to say that a pregnant belly is an instant conversation starter and friendship maker. It got intimate and a bit TMI fast… Anyways, the convo went like this….

Cashier: How much longer? *smile, nod towards belly*

Me: 5 weeks

C: Oh wow, you have a bit still

M: *smile/grimace* yeah

C: Do you know what you are having?

M: a girl

C: Aww that’s great! Are you excited?! Is this your first

M: Yeah its nice. No, we have a little boy. He is 2 ½

C: Oooo one of each!

M: Yep, one of each and now we are done.

C: Oh you never know! I said that to my husband and we now have 4 kids. 2 of which I got pregnant with while on Birth control. *TMI*

Me: *starting to get awkward* Oh, no. We are for sure done. It’s a csection. So I’ll uhh have them take care of things while they are in there.

Cashier: Oh I keep trying to get my husband to go in for the surgery! I hate being on Mirena (NAME OF HER BC!!!)

M: *continued awkwardness but she was nice and put all my bags in my cart for me* Ohhh ok. Thank you, I appreciate that! *nodding towards the filled cart*

C: No problem! Good luck and have a nice night.

M: thanks, you too.

Now we are officially BFFs.

Lesson Learned.

Confession:  I learned a valuable mommy lesson.

The other day I had walked to the Strong Museum of play to grab a sub for lunch from Subway. It was sunny, and a nice day to waddle myself the 2 blocks. I had every intention of walking back and eating at my desk but after ordering my Italian BMT sub, i was tired (ofcourse), so I found a table in the extremely empty cafeteria there and started to eat. A few minutes later my sister called and we were chatting about baby stuff while I ate. No more than 5 mins later a frazzled mom pushing her jam packed stroller comes by, with scream-crying child in tow, along with her friend and her son, and wouldn’t you know they pick the table DIRECTLY in front of me. Not off to the side, not a table away, not on the other side of the empty cafeteria. Nope. Directly in front of me. Oh Lord. The one friend drops off her son and goes up to put in her order while the frazzled mom is trying to console her extremely LOUD child (with no consideration to the fact that A. I was here first or B. I was on my phone). And what happens when a child is crying so hard and screaming and mucus filled??! That’s right, they start gagging, then puking. This child was no different. As I sat there on my phone, attempting to eat my lunch and chat with my sister, I was forced to watch a 2 year old puke a mixture of phlem and juice up into the moms hand, all over the chair and onto the floor. Gross. So. Gross. I should have been more compassionate, I should have been more understanding (we have all been there, right?), I should have been like “whatever”. But it bugged me! Not once did she turn to me and apologize that I had to witness that during my lunch, not once was there any consideration that I was there first, eating, and clearly chatting on my phone. Nothing, not even an apologetic look. And with that I learned a valuable lesson. I should be far more considerate of those around me when my child is acting up. I should be more considerate that there are people who might be out, enjoying a relaxing, child free time and shouldn’t have to listen to my child being difficult. I should be more considerate to pick seating when my child is being naughty as FAR away from people as possible. Lesson.Learned. I should be more considerate.

My Pregnancy Blessings...for Lauren

Dear Future Pregnant Lor,

Per your request, I thought I would counter my prior post, with a more positive post about pregnancy and address it to you, dear friend, for when you are pregnant. So that you may read this and smile at the joys of what’s to come J

Since you are stunning now, I can only imagine, how gorgeous you are going to be and feel with the recommended 30lb (minimum) weight gain. You’ll have that natural glow about you and that blossoming belly will just be begging to be lovingly touched by all the well-meaning passerby’s. But how wonderful it will be, as that belly will work as an instant conversation starter! You will be inundated with “when are you due?”, “do you know the sex?”, “How much longer?” A gentle reminder that you have many days left on this beautiful journey to enjoy! It also aids in making friends wherever you go. It’s such a blessing! It will be these same new friends, at the office, at a party, out and about, that will remind you that you get to eat for two, so to be sure and pile that food onto your plate or grab an additional helping. The baby needs it. And lucky for you, you won’t have to worry about a tightening waist line as you will get to wear stretch pants!!! I am so thankful for comfortable stretch pants. I am especially thankful for trends that promote the wearing of stretch pants without the need to wear something that covers your lady parts. In pregnancy you can wear leggings as PANTS and nobody says anything. It really is awesome.

You will also be invited to partake in any and every “free” food event at work. It’s fantastic. Free donuts? Don’t forget to offer a few to Lauren. Free subs? Make sure Lauren gets a few pieces. Someone ordered pizza? Take a slice or two up to Lauren, she’d love that! Oh and don’t forget about those cravings you get to indulge in! No one bats an eyelash when you polish off a full box of cereal alone, smile and say “the baby was hungry” with a chuckle. People instantly nod along with you and tell you its okay, baby needs to eat.

And let’s not forget the blessings of naming your child. Joyously flipping through lists among lists of names and being sure to weed out anything that might remind you or your spouse of a less than godly individual or a saddle your child with a name that doesn’t promote bible prosperity and a positive future. Such prayers of thanksgiving are said when you land upon that name, because everyone will love it and everyone will have such positive and non-opinionated or passive ideals about the creative name, middle name and nicknames you have chosen for your newborn.

And most importantly let’s not forget how amazing you will feel!! Knowing that within your being, you are responsible for the health and wellness of this tiny life. You’ll work out, and eat well, and be appreciative of every kick and nudge, wiggle and roll of that active babe in your womb. Even at 3am in the morning, and especially when it reminds you to awaken and empty your bladder! (It’s a great thing they remind us, so that we avoid the embarrassment of wetting the bed!)

And finally, because you are so stunning and you married a good looking gent, you will have rockin’ model children. With lots of your dark hair (so all that heartburn will be so worth it!) and your fantastic green eyes. And because of all these wonderful pregnancy blessings and benefits and how amazingly pretty your children will be, you will have not 1 but 2, 3 maybe 4 babies, that you will puuuuush through your lady parts. But have no fear, the doctor will treat you well and leave “Ryans playground” stitched up well and not like a demolition crew came through.

I pray that you never forget these wonderful blessings!

Your BFF,

-Kim

#soblessed #sothankful #thisistotallytongueincheek #sarcastic #cantwaittilyouareexpecting

A note to myself...from myself...

Dear NonPregnant Kimi,

One day, you are going to get the “itch”. You are going to look around and see pregnant woman and little babies in abundance, and you are going to want to be them and have another one. So this is my reminder to you, to be content with your 2. Because as I will easily point out, you are NOT a pleasant pregnant person…

There are some things you can endure, gracefully, but pregnancy is not one of them. You constantly find you need to keep yourself in check, often, to keep from being a massive Debbie downer. Considering what a blessing pregnancy is and the struggle many people have to either conceive or carry a baby, you should probably keep your mouth shut far more often. Right? Well in the effort to be honest and keep things real (Live without pretending, right??) you won’t and you dont. Why? Well because pregnancy for some (like you) is really hard, really uncomfortable and really a difficult 9 month journey. One in which you know that you don’t handle well. And if you keep your yap shut, not only will you end up feeling alone in your frustrations (thus alienating yourself and assisting in a fast downward spiral to depression), but it was always your hope there might be another pregnant soul out there who can relate and remind you that “this too shall pass”. While you are one who LOVES the end result (what’s not to love about a cute cuddly bundle of you and Alfie goodness??), you really really struggle with the journey to get there. Like really REALLY struggle. For you, it’s a means to an end. It’s not a journey you particularly love. And I know you feel bad saying that, but if we are honest with yourself and others, you do not enjoy being pregnant.

You have found that the realities of the first pregnancy are far more clear and present than they were before. It’s not all hearts and bunnies the second time around. With the first you were in the land of puppy dogs and flowers, hearts and bunnies. Everything was dreamy. When tired, you rested. Lazily, you lounged and pampered yourself whenever, wherever while your doting hubby fed you grapes straight from the vine and fanneds you with a palm branch after having massaged your feet. Wait a minute! Who are we kidding?? That’s sooo not how things went down!…bummer, I know. But anyways, with the first you blissfully lived in the world of ignorance of what’s to come: 3^rd trimester discomfort, labor, recovery, sleepless nights etc. Not so much with child numero dos. While the joy and excitement is 100% there, the reality of what’s to come is right behind it. That ignorant bliss you had with Colton, is nowhere to be seen and that eye opening reality of “Dear Lord, I have how many months left??…help!!” has become a constant prayer.

However, in the midst of all that discomfort, you have found that laughing about the hotmess you have become is a great way to ease that unpleasant persona. Because as we all either know, or end up finding out is that pregnancy is a bundle of unglamourous months! And anyone who may try to tell you differently is sugar coating it and LY-ING to you! So instead of being miserable 99.9% of the time, you tryyyyy to find the humor in your discomfort. It’s those humourous moments that make you chuckle (clearly in hindsight) and think, “there are VERY few men in this world who could survive this” and that makes you smirk and eases the discomfort a smidge. Just as a reminder, Kimi, let’s see what makes it so unglamorous. Wheeeeellll, let me remind you! First, you seem to be one of the “blessed” ones as you get morning all the time sickness. Puking that could be spurred by the mere scent of your husbands cologne that you picked for him because, well, back in the day, it smelled amazing. Then ofcourse there is the insane hunger that over takes your body. You go from “sure, I could nibble” to “GET ME A MOTHER EFFING *insert food of choice*” in seconds, only to then fall asleep from the food binge, to then waking up from the heartburn (because silly you, thought you could lay down after eating with no problems….false…so.very.false.) Since you are already awake from the heartburn, you might as well get up to pee, thus starting the dreaded cycle of pee interruptions to your day, or evening or perfectly good night’s sleep. Or how about the precious feeling of your little one jamming their legs into your bladder, ribs, lungs, anything? Which then keeps you from resting comfortably. How about the feeling that your pelvis is just sloooowly separating. Maybe it’s the innocent sneeze or cough that makes you pee yourself. Or the sensitive nipples that make a cold breeze feel like someone is holding a match to them and attempting to burn them off your body! The headaches, the swelling, the list of random unglamorous pregnancy symptoms goes on. And while you will have kind and oh so loving friends and family encourage you with “you have that pregnancy glow” or “You look fantastic!” or “You are all belly!” deep down you know that instance when you have gone from not bad to hot mess. Shall we recall stroller shopping for Colton? Sneezing only to then pee yourself right there in the store. *sigh* to the point where you had to purchase an entire new bottom half to your outfit for the day. You haven’t lived until you have peed yourself in public, don’t you forget that!

So, Kimi, this note is purely to document these feelings, because one day, all these awful memories will fade, and Colty and Lucy will be bigger and you will longingly look at newborns and think “I want another, I’m ready, it’s time.” and you will desperately need these words from pregnant Kimi to nonpregnant Kimi to remind you that there is NO WAY, on this green earth you can go through it again!! So future Kimi, when that time comes, reread this post (as many times as needed), smile that you made it through 2 pregnancies, kiss your adorable grown babies and thank the good Lord that you are done!!! J

Love,

Pregnant Kimi

My life is perfect...oooorrr not

Confession: I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook status’.

“My husband is so wonderful! He just surprised me with this huge bouquet of flowers! Just ‘cause! I am soooo blessed”

Because what I read was “SUCK IT! My husband is better than yours! NA Na Na boo boo!”

“Baby girl just took a 3 hour nap, while I deep cleaned the house and baked! So blessed!”

What I read was “MY KID IS SUPERIOR!! And oh yeah! I baked bread from scratch and combed the carpet with a hairbrush so that all the weft was lying in the same direction, while I wore my family heirloom pearls. God is soooo good…SUCK IT”

And when I read many of those all too familiar status updates, I have to try really hard (like really really hard) to not compare my husband to that when he comes home, empty handed, wondering what is for dinner or when Colton is the cranky spawn of Satan for no reason or when after a frazzled day at work I pull out a frozen pizza, make a call for some take out, or just drive through McDonalds. I have to remind myself that no, I didn’t get the “short end of the stick” not all Facebook status’ are in fact what they claim to be. And believe me, I am sure we are ALL offenders. I know I have posted many a status or instagram pic or something that unintentionally hurts someone else. Most likely any post about being pregnant or how tough I find my pregnancy, is like salt in a wound to a friend who may struggle to conceive, who may wish they were pregnant and who may think “would she quit her complaining?” Or a post about a night out with friends might be difficult to someone without family around to ease the load and give them a night out and chance to relax. And my personal “ouchie” a stay at home momma saying what a blessing it is to stay home, might be particularly disheartening to a working momma, like myself. I know I am not alone in this. I know many others have to bite their tongue, grin and bear it, turn the other cheek, or even block people that seem to be more popular offenders. So when does it go from a simple and innocent “blessing post” to a “brag post”? How do you know if you are a repeat offender or not? Good question! I have no idea!! But I will say it is helpful to ask. Ask close friends, or family, take notice of the comments or “likes” on the status. Be sensitive about events in your friends lives. Get a blog ;) do all your bragging and bitchin’ on that platform (like muah). And please please please don’t end your status with “So thankful” or “So blessed” (and if you do, do it in a crazy hashtag, cause everything is funnier as a hashtag!). Because we know! Believe me, we know that you are thankful and blessed! It’s just that sadly 9 times out of 10 it comes off as “Christian Bragging” under the guise of being “thankful” or “blessed”. And all people think when they read it, instead of cheering along, is “here they go again…must be nice…my life blows”. And really, who wants that??!! And what about those “friends” you have that are clearly repeat offenders and you walk the fine line between loving them and hating their posts? Well my passive aggressive nature keeps me from confrontation, so a suggestion passed along to me by my sister, is to remove them from my feed. That way they can keep on truckin’ and doing their thang on Facebook and I can keep my annoyance, irritation or general snarkiness in check.

And I will leave you with a personal example: My pregnancy instagram pictures. One could think just by looking at my weekly photos that I always dress up, or look nice or have had a glowing pregnancy. One could think that by my photos my pregnancy is A-mah-zing. When in reality, that is oh so false! What you didnt see were the early on bump pics because I had my face in the toilet hurling most of my food into it, which made me look pale and awful. Or the 10 pictures prior to the one i posted because I looked weird, or silly or giant. What you dont see are that I make sure and post on a day when I am forced to dress up and have time to do my makeup (like Sunday mornings before church). What I purposefully don’t post are pictures of me in my typical pregnancy uniform : makeup off, no bra, sweatpants, bags under my eyes, hair all busted, and a giant tshirt. If you happen to catch me on a Saturday, that’s usually how I look! What I don’t post are the pictures after I have had a melt down with swollen eyes and red nose from being too tired, overwhelmed, or just “so over this”. Why not, you ask? Probably because nothing is more raw and intimate than putting yourself out there…the good, but especially the bad and the ugly. But really it is because, I want to be able to look back in a year and see myself looking nice rather than hotmess-ish. And as a result I’m sure it comes off differently than intended. And so today I attempted to rectify some of that by posting a very real, very pregnant, very ugly picture of myself on Facebook and Instagram with a 60lb weight gain in labor with Colton. The last thing I want is people to think I “always look good in pregnancy” when if it wasn’t for Alfie forcing me into “real pants” (often) I’d probably always leave the house in sweats! You think im kidding?!

So lets make an effort to be real, folks! To post the bad with the good, the frazzled with the calm, cool and collected and the crazy moments with the normal ones. Because I for one will breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I am not the only one who doesn’t have “the perfect life” J

I'd like to introduce you to my girls....

Confession: My boobs are out of control.

Sorry, was that too much? Oh well. Ya know that age where your filter starts to go out the window and you are all like, “TMI? Who cares! We’re all friends here, right?” Yeah I think I am there. So anyways. I have never been a small chested gal, and when pregnant, these things become ginormous 2 pound milkers. 9 times out of 10, I get dressed in my morning fog, only to make it to work and think “Oh boy, that’s a tad too much boob for the office” but at that point what’s a girl to do, other than not cross her arms so as to not enhance the bazingas. I know this girl who when pregnant, may or may not have used a food scale to weigh her gigante ladies.  She may or may not have been me. Crazy right!? Yeah yeah yeah I hear the “Whaaaaaa…quit your crying” since I know many a flatties who pray for the Boob gods to amply bless them during pregnancy. But ohhhh ladies just you wait. When those heavens part and them Tata angels touch you, you may find yourself far from joining in the Hallelujah chorus! Especially when you realize dem melons can trump eye contact and can cause distracted conversation focus! And yowza that’s just the boobs. I wont even discuss the national geographic nippage that occurs, I mean really folks its like a set of gumballs, gumdrops, your favorite hard candy, whatever. It’s ridiculous! And God forbid you encounter a cool breeze or a boob slap from a sibling (yeah thanks Christy) the sensitivity is something so unexpected! There are certain times in pregnancy that I just have to chuckle and sigh as I think "well we have reached a new low here" and last week was one of those such times… I was eating lunch, some arroz con gandules (Rice with pigeon peas) and was holding the container at my belly and spooning (who am I kidding, we all know I was shoveling it into my mouth like a heffer) portions into my mouth only to feel a grain fall into ma cleave. So I fished it out, only to then find another and another. 3 grains of rice were resting on the little shelf area between my boobs and my belly down my shirt. So there I am, at my desk, digging down my shirt for those three stupid grains of rice! Oye! Luckily I had the decency to toss them rather than eat them, cause that would be gross…right? For sure! Right, totally gross… *sigh* Welp, no one said pregnancy was glamorous, that’s for sure! And so with 10 more weeks to go, lets see just how much more mammoth these beasts can get!!

Mommy Dearest...

Confession: Being a step mom is tricky.

Did I mention I have been married for 5 years and have yet to meet my step daughter? Again Cray cray! Much of that is due to the fact that she lives out of state with her mother and well, we live here. And while Alfie goes out to visit her usually every year around her birthday, it is that difficult road to travel  between desire to really want to meet her, and the worry that me (new wife) being around ex wife, would in some way make his time with his daughter harder, trickier, more torturous. For what? All so I can have an opportunity? I never thought it was fair, and I never wanted to ruin that small window of time, just for my wants. He deserves to have that time be as perfect as possible, even if it means I go another year without meeting her, or if it means I have to cringe and deal with the expenses that come with the territory. That’s what we do, right?

There are many things I wish more people talked about, and being a step parent is one of them. Especially one with a straining relationship between the hubby’s ex and himself. And then here I am, the “new wife” tossed in the mix. Unsure of whether to be fully involved, to mind my own business, to be half involved and half not involved, I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t often, okay rarely ever, have a sounding board of friends or aquaintences with whom I can bounce questions off of or ask for advice from the perspective of having an additional child fit into the mix. And for these past 5 years, it really hasn’t been an issue. Much of our situation was almost “out of sight, out of mind” due to the fact that Alfie’s daughter didn’t live here, had yet to visit, and had a parent who was unwilling to allow certain things. Until now. Circumstances have changed and we are working through new parental responsibilities and roles, definite changes to current visitation privileges, and possible custody changes. All during which we are taking care of a 2 year old, working and oh yeah, expecting a baby. And much of it feels like sailing through uncharted waters at the mercy of out of state lawyers and with involvement of ex-inlaws. And while this is a HUGE answer to many, many, many (like 10 years worth of) prayers, it is still really stressful and often makes me wonder, “Okay, God, whatcha doing here”? Not in doubting his plan, but in the “why now?”, “What are you planning here, Lord?” It’s that exciting anticipation of what He is going to do, along with that fearful anxiousness of having absolutely no idea how things are going to play out, how long it is going to take, or what that means for our small family. However, there have been definite moments of “God things” that remind me that He is sooo allllll over this entire situation. One of the “God things” that im like, “yep, that was totally You!” is our home. We bought our house in Webster 2 years ago, and never really thought about the number of bedrooms we would need. Most houses in our price range had 3 rooms, almost none had 4 and even fewer had 4 with more than 1 bathroom (more than 1 bathroom was a MUST for me). And then we found our current house. 4 bedrooms, and more than 1 full bathroom! Little did we know, that we would need the 4^th room as more that a craft room or guest room. Little did we know that it would be important and an ease to the mind to not have to figure out how we would make a special space for an 11 year old, while also having to plan for a nursery! Little did we know it would be important in our home study to have a specific bedroom arrangement for her. I know I would for sure be freaking out more so than I am now… (I’m a worrier, what can I say…). And the crazy part is that this has all primarily happened since Christmas! There has been lots of paperwork filled out, a few court “phone appearances”, many sleepless nights and much excitement of what could be coming. We are currently prepping for a home inspection, in which we didn’t get much advanced notice (for a planner like myself, that is very very nerve wracking) and which would determine how long of visits Alfie’s daughter would be able to have. I have no doubt we will pass with flying colors, but the whole unknown factor to it and the desire to put ours and our homes best foot forward, does put me on edge. So here’s hoping everything tomorrow goes well! And well, I guess, more to come in the next 2 months! Oye!